Unstoppable in Riverdale

Made all these big changes

Which i am confident  about

But still scared

Because they were big decisions 

And  theres nothing  really but me

Thats left.

The future seems so unknown 

I dont know exactly what to do

With all this free time .

And limited money

Im still imprisoned

But now im alone  in all of it really

Which  i know deep down

Is a good idea

A great  idea 

I AM happy and content to be alone  mostly

Rather than with the fake friends and the abusive  boyfriend

They were dragging me down

And i was feeling unfufilled

And actually more lonely being around them

So i know  now

I am free to figure  out things 

And do what needs  to be done

And do whatever the fuck i want

And be who i am without  the constant  critism and being under valued and pushed down

What i want is for me and me only  mostly

Not to impress anyone else

Not to try to please the unpleasable.

Its a losing  game.

Is it ideal that i am alone?

No.

But what choice  do I have?

Ideally i wish my family  didnt abuse me or put me down and that they were safe people to be around

Ideally my  friends would be healthy  supportive  and inspiring

But instead  they were gossipy fake shallow  flakey and inconsiderate

Ideally my partner would be encouraging kind and loving 

But instead he was mean selfish critical abusive cheated  on me multiple times and full of drama wanting me to take care of him when hes 11 years older than me and i can barely take care of myself right  now nevermind  him.

Fuck him. Fuck them. 

Seriously life is hard enough. 

I dont need to come back to immature assholes who need therapy themselves

Who needs enemies when you have people like this in your life?

A major part of my self esteem issues are them

Putting me down using me and taking me gor granted

Its like cutting off a dead weight

That was never mine to begin with

Sure the voices  of them echo in my head

But having space away from them allows me to create new voices

Without the constant  barrage of their unhappiness  being dumped on me when i am vulnerable myself and not the happiest either.

I dont have to surround myself with toxicity that doesn't  want to change.

Its not my job to change them or get them to stop.

Been there. Done that. Doesnt work. 

Its a precious waste of time.

So yeah

Here i am re creating myself from the inside out 

Nurturing  myself

In the ways i should  have

Solely for the reason that i am a human  fucking being who deserves love care and respect for being alive just like everyone else.

Not for how i look

Act

Do

Want

But for me.

Unapologetically

If people dont like that

They can shove it and move along.