Sixteen Tons in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt.

So, as can be/should be understood… my body is super unhappy. Like… I can feel that old familiar rage deep inside of me that has “no purpose” but whose purpose we discovered within the last several years. That Rage was my go-to coping mechanism with my physical pain. Get angry enough and the body can tolerate pain better as a direct connection to fight or flight. Of course, as is obvious, being in Fight or Flight mode most of your life is super unhealthy physically and mentally. But that is the anger I now feel. The anger that says, “This isn’t because you’re mad. This is because your shoulders, back, and legs are in brutal pain.” So of course… right now I feel I could submit to the anger or go to sleep… either way will take care of the pain. INstead, I remain at my desk working. The time is 9:30 and also not surprisingly, I am the only one here. I get it… my bosses are likely at the new building working with contractors and shit but still. This is the reason I quit. One of many. This pain is bullshit and I want to either sleep it away or start on my physical therapy work. But of course… can NOT do physical therapy work while I am actively employed by this firm. So… I sit. Making really bumbling mistakes because my mind is spending so much energy just getting through the day.


I may as well have drawn the above picture. The heavy shading of the thighs is a major issue with me. As is the pain in the forearms, back, and neck area.

Bosses arrive. First thing? Our client, you know… the one that has picked up 12 driving charges in 14 months… he sent us an e-mail stating how upset he was that the State sent him a letter telling him he hasn’t appeared in court, plead guilty or paid a fine. Chinese Boss wants answers because this makes us look bad. I call the court. He received the notification because he hasn’t paid any of his fines. I tell Chinese Boss. I do so diplomatically and with professionalism. However, what I would like to do is shout at her that “Chinese Delinquent hasn’t done anything we or the courts have asked him. He keeps driving when he shouldn’t. He doesn’t attend classes, though that will get him deported maybe. He doesn’t pay his court fines. STOP BABYING HIM. If we don’t tell him to grow up and act like an adult, nobody will. Because they’ll just send him home. And maybe that is where he should be anyway.” Apparently, many young men in China see someone like Po Sing (in Romeo Must Die) and think “That is America. That is who I get to be in America. I am going to be THAT guy!”
And it isn’t helped by a Chinese Speaking Female Attorney that doesn’t know the law or procedure!

So… on my calendar is a required attendance at the DHS Office at 12:30. This morning I received a call that my client was sick and we would have to reschedule. However, I had not removed it from my calendar as I was too busy. Therefore, it is important to note, my bosses should have expected me to have a meeting from 12:30 to 1:30 and return to the office at 2. IF they checked the calendar they claim is so important.

At 12:00, Chinese Boss asked me to do a project for a Chinese Client we’ve had for 9 months that needed to be done by 2. So… screw any concept of taking care of my cases or keeping our law firm’s reputation in tact… non-chinese clients don’t matter when a Chinese client has a need.

Can’t. Wait. To leave.

In… news of the world filtered through Cracked that I felt like sharing....

By the way… here’s more news on China: Current president abolishes Term Limits confirming that he is the most Mao-like of the recent Chinese Leaders. This, combined with his current actions and legislative moves, suggests that China, on the cusp of being one of the most powerful and dangerous World Powers… is none too far from being a Dictatorial Power. If Xie and Putin team up? The West is thoroughly and terrifyingly fucked. No wonder the Chinese people love Trump so much, eh? AND no wonder Trump likes China so much. Think he doesn’t? Well, first… you are ignoring where almost all of his textiles (including his entire line of ties) comes from. Second… you are ignoring that it was after China (though he claims France) that Trump said he wanted a military parade with tanks in the street. Third… after campaigning on a hard-line against China, as soon as he won… he changed his mind and declared that China was okay.

And… I should start counting how many times I almost fall asleep at my desk. Because, true true true.... sleep is the best answer to pain. So… it goes pain pain pain, anger, anger, anger, super exhausted and tired and sleepy, pain pain pain. That’s my cycle.

Off to home… so, sleep and video games.