My past is comming back to haunt me..... in Riverdale

Just woke up from a bad dream. I dont want tl talk about it in detail  but it was  about my childhood. 



I often have nightmares. Almost weekly really. Its really haunting  and fusterating as i am trying to move forward with my life as much as i can. I know now i cant  run from my past and the nightmares are not all bad they serve as a warning and a reminder that honors  my past and that was one of the first signs that i was being abused as a child when i was a young adult who had blocked put the trauma and abuse.



The thing that fusterates me though is that theres nothing i can do to completely escaoe the  abuse even now yet. I am somewhat finacially dependant. And the dreams wear ne the fuck out. I cant get good sleep and spend the first half of the day feeling traumatized by the dream that had very real elements of my past and present.



I went to the psychiatrist and she perscribed me prozasin which is a medication to treat nightnares but it made me faint so i couldnt keep using it. It was tok strong for me.



I did some research today and the only thing i can think of doing  is some thing recommended called image rehearsal  therapy.  But the thing is my therapist  who ive had for 5 years can only see for for another 2 months than i have to start with someone  new. I am devestated by this. So i think to myself could i somehow do image rehersal therapy on my own.... i dunno.



If anyones reading and has any remedies to improve quality of sleep and change nightmares  or treat them please let me know.



In other news i watched a good  reality tv show last night called the arrangement . It was a shoe about florists who competed against eachother with different challenges.  I love reality competition shows. Because they are usually more interesting inspiring  and addictive than shows like big brother etc....

But man i really see how hard those shows are. Alot of pressure is put on the contestants. Like undue hardship.  I mean i know its  competition but they verbally abuse the contestants alot and almost really make some challenges nearly impossible than blame them foe not being  perfect.  With my trauma history id probably have a meltdown and freak out  and be kicked off or quit....



Im applying for a course for school tommorow. Its going to be  a long day....i have to go to an info session than write an english comprehension test than fill out an application. Its fucking tedious but im going to do it. I asked for a sign from the universe if i should  apply and my sign came back  positive.





1 more day till the end of the month.