how i'm doing life is so fragile grey area attempted rape cab orange and slipping control lost footing trust *SU *SA *Orange *Cop in 2017. got it.

1. how i’m doing since my SU attempt on Wed. i just. i feel so like fragile. i used to. maybe when i was in college [i actually remember a time in college when i did] or maybe even when i was living at my apt. [not that i vividly remember that but i know i drank a lot] um i used to attempt SU. and i knew after i just felt. fragile very fragile very mentally fragile.............

1. grey area attempted rape. i don’t........  when we were in the cab that night i don’t........i don’t think he threatened me that night. and nothing physical happened he didn’t hit me or....... if he had i would’ve known there would’ve been evidence physical um evidence. i think in the cab it was attempted rape. i think.........i mean i think maybe i was upset then at that point. i would’ve........  no i was scared so i would’ve been upset. i don’t think it would’ve been consensual. i don’t remember what he said, when we were in the cab if he said anything..........at all........ 

i was too drunk to consent. at the bar that night there’s lost time. like ok. one event happened and then some time later another event happened. and, i’ve lost the time in between those 2 events.

who the hell rapes someone in a cab when they know they can be watched? or attempted rape anyway. 

of course it happened in a cab. he knew i couldn’t leave.

how could the cab driver. just. not have stopped that. i just.

like do people have consensual sex in cabs is that a thing?

it wouldn’t have been the ‘bystander effect’ cause that happens when there’s a group of people.

there were 3 people in the cab that night: me. the rapist. [and] the cab driver.

in order to have almost raped me. my coat would’ve needed to have been off as it’s long. so.

i remember. when we were at my apt. and he was done. i said ‘ef you. i’m sorry but ef you’, or something. by then i knew what had happened and i was scared. after he’d raped me at least twice i sure as hell wasn’t going to give him a chance to do it again and for how long. like no he wasn’t allowed to stay longer then that. he wasn’t actually allowed to stay longer then a few mins. which is the time it would’ve taken him to call his friend. which he did when we first got there. and then.........

to stay. in the downstairs part of my apt. at the foot of the stairs. for a few mins.

1. it’s kindof like. when the cop apparently called my mom and i didn’t know about it. untill um she told me. looking back it’s kindof like i’m slipping i’ve lost my footing. the footing being the control.