Sunday morning in New Diary

Three o’clock was my wake up call. I don’t mind getting up this early. It is nice and quiet and I can do a lot of reading around this time. I had a good nights sleep and I woke up feeling not as depressed,.

I think the depression is always there. Some days it is very bad. On these days about all I want to do is lie on the couch and hug a pillow. Today I feel fairly good. I am not on top of the world but I’m not down in the sewer. On these days I can focus on positive things in my life. I do have a lot of good things going on for me. Such as:

1. I have a roof over my head
2. I have clothes to wear and food it eat
   3 I have money for meds
3. I have a phone, internet connection and cable tv
   5 I have plenty of books to read
4. I am in fairly good physical health.
5. I have a wonderful support system in Healthways
6. I have a great caregiver
7. I have an SSI and Social Security check,.

I am truly blessed . I have nine good things going on in my life. A lot of people who are working struggle to put food on the table and pay the bills. I have enough to live a fairly good life. There are probably more things I can find to be thankful for. These to me seem to be the most important right now. The more I think about it the more I realize there is no good reason for me to be depressed.

Yet I have suffered from depression all of my life. I first started seeing a therapist when I was in high school. I have had at least two suicide attempts. The only thing I can think of is there must be some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain. This is why I am on three psych meds and sometimes I don’t think they are helping all that much because a lot of times I still get so very depressed.

But this morning I feel fairly good. I am grateful for the good days,.