Not promising to be a good day in In the Kingdom of Suzu

today isn’t looking to be a very good day. He told me that he is really struggling with just giving up and going to her because he misses her but he still,wants to see a counselor ifit can help get back what we had but it is a real struggle for I’m today. I had gotten up with that idea to tell I’m that I know it is going to be hard days with that but actually hearing him say that does hurt. We see a counselor on Thursday and I told Jeff that I don’t want to be strung along but we can’t reasonably expect his feelings for her to just go away or diminish nor out marriage to work in just a couple of weeks/months.

Yesterday he said was a good day altho we had talked a bit and he said that he was depressed and of course about her, but we tackled some cleaning out closets and he kept himself busy and said that it was a good day. The night was bad, for him and for me.

He said, today, that he had thought about leaving in December, had some numbers for apartments but never followed thru. The idea was he was going to get the place for himself and she would eventually join him. But he hesitates because I started acting different.y, morelike the old me, and he thought that maybe there was a chan and then everything blew up a week ago.

I want him to stay here so we can try and work things out. he never gave me any reason to doubt him ever. He said that he isn’t staying here because of financial gain but to see if we couldn’t make what we had be better than before. That is when I said that I have to realize that it is going to be a hard struggle and even tho it will hurt me, when he is really struggling with his feelings for her to talk to me about it altho I can sense it, I would wish him to tell me because then I don’t have to keep asking.

I know some of this is probably rehashing and you probably don’t u derstand where I am coming from. This happened on y first marriage but it was different—the ex was staying out late, when he was here, he wasn’t, we argued–it was so different. Jeff and I didn’t argue, we had a lot of good times, even these past months, I can’t say that things were strained. I sensed something wasn’t right but he wouldn’t say or else I didn’t really hear him. And no, I am not taking any blame for his actions and he has made it quite clear that i am not to blame, but because our relations was so different than what I had with the ex, I just thought the distance that had developed was due to is being depressed.

I don’t want him to stay just for financial gain, one of my noters said to think carefully because divorce, altho at any times hard, it is even harder when you are older and I know that. I want I’m to stay because we had a good marriage for along time, he never gave me any reason to doubt him and so much more.

It is really going to be hard.