Imagine the seed, Plant the seed in The Road Ahead

So I’m looking into starting my own business! I’m a halfway decent photographer, or so I’ve been told, and I want to take that passion and those pictures and turn them into something sustainable for myself. Living the #Vanlife means I have very close to unparalleled freedom. I’ve got the van, everything I need in it, my passport and might even be adding a National Park Pass to that, which means I could potentially travel anywhere, photograph the hell out of it, and then use those travels to fund future ones. I’ve got a huge stockpile of photos from my travels in the past few years, which is what I’m currently sifting through, picking out the best of the best.

I’m eyeing up a little spot on Etsy, trying to find the right words for my business plan, and researching all the different business related topics that goes into a start-up; online photo storage and ordering, how to make my own magnets, postcards, digital watermarks, a list of stock photo sites that I can try offloading the photos that don’t make it to the store front, the choices of post-consumer/green/sustainability that I can incorporate into my ideals…the list goes on. I’ve got a kajillion tabs open and a Google Sheet that is filling up faster and faster.

As I grow older, I find that my confidence in myself has been severely underfunded in too many places. I’ve had the same excuse for nearly two decades, that i’m not creative, I just write sometimes. I have sketchbooks full of drawings of Pokémon I did, cards I designed, and a few drawings of places I only ever saw in my dreams. I was recognized for my writing when I was in school, having several pieces submitted to writing fairs, going to writing conventions, and using my words to try and convey how to connect-my-dots to other people.

Because I haven’t lived a life that has made much sense, even to me. It’s been brutal and cold and traumatic. I’ve moved more times than I can count, the places I’ve laid my head as blurred as the lines on the road. I’ve carried burdens that weren’t meant for me, forced to hold secrets that should have seen the light of day, and fought myself every step of the way. And all that is being slowly put behind me, each day that goes by I digest another small bit of where I’ve been and add it to the self-collage I’ve got going in my head. I’ve overcome every adversity put in my way, I’ve been exploited, abused, and tortured, and now I can smile and laugh without the dark specter of those traumas dimming my light. And all this is feeding into my business plan, and how I can potentially make a difference in other peoples’ lives. To offer a small measure of comfort and comradery would be ideal for me. There have been too many days for me that something very small, a few words, a picture maybe, kept my day from being 100% Grade A Shit, and upgraded it to I’m Okay.

I don’t think my mental struggles will ever go away, but I do believe that I will get to, and am getting to the point where they don’t hold me back. Everywhere I’ve been has led me to who I am now, and I’m liking that person. I’m compassionate, kind, and passionate about the rights of the disenfranchised, marginalized, and downtrodden. I can relate to a lot of these groups and the struggles, both internal and external. I believe that life is more than a zero-sum game, and we can elevate ourselves and each other without declaring winners and losers. I do my best, and my best is progressively getting better and I’m riding that wave of momentum, possibly to places I could have only ever dreamed about.

I’m just babbling now. It’s been a gloriously lazy Saturday, snuggling in bed until 2, and now I’m back on the laptop, writing, researching, and learning, covered in dogs and full of coffee. I’m going to put a fresh pot on, do a bit more work and then see about doing some gaming. I’ll also get around to doing a photo post hopefully tonight!

Until later folks, do something sweet for yourself, you deserve it!