worse. and ex. *Con.* in 2017. got it.

So my period’s worse then it’s been in awhile. er well the nauseau is rather. and that’s probably in um...........conjunction w/ the after effects of ‘the accident’. so. wow.

My ex. well 1 i haven’t talked to him in. maybe 2 3 yrs. bc 2 he’s an abusive jerk. He never. physically hurt me. [not that that makes the things he did like.ok or........something.]. I just.idinno I feel like i should have some physical outside exterior evidence that yes. the concussion was ‘that bad’. [ok so that’s like saying a woman’s ‘a little pregnant’]. like w/ the rapes. i wanted physical evidence that i had been raped. cause it would feel...........

i’m all.afraid of it happening again. i don’t, want another one. [well i didn’t want this one.]. i just want fukin validation right now. i want people to ask. ‘how have you been how can i help?’. like no one knows other then. in my blogs. i want people to understand. i just want. a little tea and sympathy is that too much to ask?

i never thought. this is who i’d be. sure i mean i always knew this kindof thing was possible when it came to my ED. but like........i never.......i don’t think anything quite like this has ever happened before. i never thought. i’d be one of ‘those people’. i never thought. about how much it could change me i didn’t know how much it could change me.

yeah. there’s a reason they tell people to be careful in bad weather. i get it now. or when drinking. i’m all.......hypervigilant about wanting to tell people ‘be careful’. it’ll. it changes people. it changed me. it........really has. and. it hasn’t even been 2 wks. yet.

i’m now one of those people who talks about. ‘the accident’ or. ‘the after effects of the accident’.

you can’t see it. but it’s there. yeah and ya know what? maybe that’s the problem. is they can’t see depression. they can’t see PTSD. they can’t see schizophrenia. or whatever. and this is another thing that they can’t physically see. our bodies. for things like this. are the outer. layers.

but. unlike coats in winter. they don’t protect us. no the skull is what protects us. thank god it does. it. really scared me. i’m kindof afraid to go out but. fear stopping me isn’t going to help.

i’m so.tired i’m like.depression/ED tired. i’m not just physically tired either. my brain is tired and it’s doing what it can to get better.

cause yes. this happened to me. i got a concussion a wk. ago.

ok. i’ve said it. i’ve written that sentence and those words.

i’m going, actually. to talk to Pat’s brother about this soon or at least tell him what happened. someone else should know. anybody that i trust and i’m ok telling. and........yeah.