Foggy Friday in The Road Ahead

It was inflammation to the max from the moment I woke up. The discs in my neck angry about something and letting me know about it, and that band across my lower back was sore and tender. I had the familiar lightning bolts down my legs, radiating from my spine. But the worst was the neck pain. It claws it’s way up from the disc all the way and every which way on the left side of my face and head. My ear feels like there’s a vacuum trying to suck that sucker from the inside out. My eye socket has a painful river of pressure pressing over and on my pupils. Hands and feet take turns swelling, blech. When this storm hits, I normally lay low and do what I can until it passes.

Pain can shine some interesting filters on how life plays out. There’s times when the pain is so sharp and cutting that time doesn’t mean anything but is also compacted down to the smallest measurements, every breath another sigh of victory, of getting through it. Then pain can put a thick, greasy film over how you see and interact with the world at large. It’s foggy and hard to think, hard to talk, hard to be. Double blech.

Now that I’m done complaining, let’s see. I was really happy (and thirsty) to get that NSFW writing done. It’s been a long while, so it was a little rusty but overall, I was just glad to get it out. Plus, I wrote that in the middle of a Starbucks. Salacious! smirks And then went and had hands-down some of the best sex of my life. H o l y c r a p, it was so satisfying and intensely primal and expressive. We were both sore today, her much, much more so though. :P When you find someone that matches your sexual appetite, limits, trust levels and love, sex can become something entirely different.

Speaking of something different, here’s something I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about. I identify as pansexual, but have never seen dudes in a romantic light, purely in a sexual manner. It’s difficult to think about feeling the sort of safety and comfort that I’ve come to associate almost exclusively with non-males, with another man. What I do feel is a very intense arousal towards what they’re packing. I’m very much a people-pleaser and take a huge amount of satisfaction out of taking care of my sexual partners.

Aaaaaaand I feel asleep mid-writing this entry. I have some great news to report. That shitty pain fog has almost completely disintegrated! I can do extreme activities again, such as, turning my head at slight angles, looking left, looking right, and even looking up! My bony facial structure has stopped trying to pop out of my skin as well. What a great start to my day. :)

I’ve got a little grinding to do in Diablo 2, but I’ll be back later. I’ve got enough thirst to bang out another daydream for sure, as well as reflecting on my own sexuality and where I stand in the gender spectrum. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!