Self-Care, Owl-Bear in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

One of the biggest things in my life that I’ve always been absolute shit about is self-care. This has been true from the time when I was a teenager. So, not at all surprisingly, Therapy is discussing self-care quite a bit.

This is somewhat humorous to me considering (1) what I do for a living and (2) who I work for. First, attorneys are always notoriously bad with self-care. It is why our depression, suicide, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse numbers are so very high. Second, I work for people who literally dinged me on an evaluation for having a back surgery and eye appointments when I was diagnosed with Glaucoma. So… self-care is considerably curious here.

Of all the things we discuss (we being therapy, prosebox, between my Wife and I)… this self-care issue may ultimately be what pushes me past “wait and see” to outright “leave of absence.” And if it does so, I’ll use Paperbag Princess’ suggestion for Gap Explanation of “illness and recovery.” It isn’t as though that would be untruthful. Pick your poison. Glaucoma, Fibromyalgia, Depression… granted, an employer would not be able to specifically ask me about the specific “illness” due to current labor laws but still.

Here is one of the most terrible things I have ever thought or said. FOR THOSE JUST TUNING IN or FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ONLY TUNED IN SINCE I TOOK MY CURRENT POSITION… please note… I am not naturally a racist individual. Any and all racist tendencies are not born into me nor have my parents instilled a sense of racial anonymity. I grew up with an abundance of Korean and Vietnamese friends and I am a deep appreciator of Japan and Japanese Culture. Hell, one of my biggest complaints about Tiny Town is that it was far too White… and I still stand by that. DIVERSITY is important… white, black, asian, native american, hispanic.... all kinds of people. Not just one. But surrounded as I am with China and the negatives that come with it? Before I continue, allow me to suggest......
I see the rich Chinese kids that come over here, act like total assholes, and demand we give them special privileges because (1) in China bribes are always accepted and (2) China is better than the USA, so we should just be thankful Chinese come here.
I see the greed of China. A Hospital with a Hotel Wing is looking for investors so that they can provide better care and facilities for visiting family members. Our firm gathered strictly foreign investors (not a single US Citizen or person living in the US) to purchase this. Allow me to say… the investors do not share the hospital’s vision. They are turning the bottom floors into a conference center and the rooms into regular hotel rooms. So, thanks Hospital for trying to do something beneficial for your patient’s families… better luck next time!
I see the cruelty and corruption of China. I write Immigration Asylum Petitions at least once a month. I have to write about children being beaten nearly to death because the local governments are run by the Triad. I have to write about women being beaten and raped because they dared fight back when the government “bought” their Family Business for 1% of its worth. I have to write about people that have begged the police to look into criminal matters, only for those police to laugh since the Criminals pay them so much better. I see the very worst of what China does to its people.
I see the bullshit of China. I write letters and work on Immigration matters for people coming to America to spread Chinese Cultural Appreciation and Awareness. The United States Government under Trump fast tracked one of our clients because our immigration argument was “As an integral part in China’s journalism and entertainment sector, CLIENT is able to help American journalists and entertainment companies understand, appreciate, and cooperate with the unique Chinese market.” They were fast tracked. So… when people whisper about Wendi Deng Murdoch… I do not have trouble believing!
I see the deception of China. In a state that has significantly underfunded Education for the last 8 years in a row… for a state that shut down half of the Mental Health Institutes without proper study… in a state that is continuing to privatize medicine, privatize corrections, and eliminate Government Employee Retirement plans.... our firm is constantly attempting to “recruit” Iowa investors to send millions and millions of dollars to China. Because China is the world of tomorrow and every dollar invested with China is certain to be returned three-fold! Bullshit. And more importantly… treasonous. How dare these rich Iowans vote to fuck Iowa Citizens, Teachers, and Tax Payers… then turn around and (almost literally) fund projects being run by a Foreign (enemy) Power.

So… that is where I am on China. That is why this job has me… significantly soured on China. I do honestly seriously hope that once I leave this place… my surface-level appreciation of China will return. Instead of seeing it as the Sleeping Dragon waking to swallow us… I hope I go back to seeing it as Where Pandas Live and the Home of Wushu. I put all of that here so that, as hateful and wrong as what I am about to say is, you can understand where it is coming from:

This morning, Chinese Boss is in Iowa City. (Where I will be tomorrow). But she still wants to control what the two Chinese Assistants are doing (because how dare they do something for the firm besides be at her beck and call). So she has been on constant SKYPE and WECHAT with them. Which I hear as Muse is in my office. And, not surprisingly, the only language being spoken is Chinese. So… with the exception of when I make phone calls… the only language I am hearing (and often) this morning is Chinese. AND it does get on my nerves a bit. So much so that I can’t even watch my favorite Jet Li movies anymore because the “Chinese Only” audio track just… pisses me off. It is worse than that even. Many Sci Fi shows use Chinese Language modifiers to create an alien language… soon as I hear one, I swear and have to deal with a sudden and unbidden emotional conflict within myself. I can’t imagine an actual racist at this job as that would be… horrifying. A legitimate racist, after six months of this job, would go on a Racially Motivated Killing Spree.

I should mention, strange though it may be, that my Chinese Language GR does not affect my appreciation of Japanese Language and Japanese Language Media. In fact, I can still throw on a Soul Eater or something and listen to the Japanese track no problem. But I will admit, MBFITWW has gotten me corrupted so that I tend to watch the English Dubs more. The actors have gotten better and it is fun to hear a voice and say “That is Monica Rial!” Or Stephanie Young or Jamie Marchie or Crispin Freeman or Steve Blum or Todd Haberkorn.... you get the idea.

(Actually, much as I like Todd Haberkorn, I like J. Michael Tatum more)

Two interesting things.

(1) This popped up on my Facebook News Feed
7 Things People Looking for Jobs are Tired of Hearing. Worth reading and accurate.
(2) One of those “fun little quiz things” popped up on Facebook… one where you click an image, it looks at your facebook, and says “Here is your life motto” kind of thing. I got: “Don’t take me for granted because I’m not afraid to walk away.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another Chinese Client that upsets me. Though, this one is so bad that even Chinese Boss is pissed. So that really says something. For her to be upset at a Chinese Client means that client REALLY fucked up. I’ve seen it a few times with immigration clients that refuse to give us what we ask; but this is the first time I’ve ever seen it with a Criminal Client. And in this case I’d have to go so far as to say FINALLY!

Pretty much a typical case. And the fact that this is TYPICAL should say a lot. Chinese Kid… driving around carelessly late at night in an expensive luxury car.... no care or concern with the law. That right there is pretty standard. The College Kids come over here with a shitton of money and decide that they can do whatever they want because in China, that is what money and privilege mean. So… even though it pisses me off… I can kind of understand it the first time that happens.

Not with this client. This client has been pulled over 8 times in three years for driving without a license, driving without registration, driving without insurance. Last time? He decided that he was tired of getting pulled over and the police not accepting bribes; so he tried to (1) bribe his passenger to tell the police that the passenger was driving; (2) bribe the person he crashed into to tell the police that he wasn’t driving. Neither worked. He was charged for both attempts to interfere or obstruct justice… plus driving when he damned well knows he doesn’t have a valid license… and getting into an accident when he doesn’t have insurance(!)

We are a competent law firm… even when we shouldn’t be.... so we got this kid probation. Basically? We told this kid… you can’t bribe BEFORE sentencing… but if you pay US then we can argue to the courts that you just give THEM money. So, it isn’t about not exchanging money for leniency, it is just a question of when to offer it.

Two days ago? Midnight Thirty. Officer sees a brand new white BMW with expired tags. Runs the plate. Plate is expired, owner is listed as CLIENT. Officer pulls the car over. IT IS CLIENT. Driving, again. Despite 8 different court orders saying STOP DRIVING UNTIL YOU GET YOUR LICENSE REINSTATED! Despite BEING ON PROBATION FOR DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE. Despite STILL NOT HAVING INSURANCE. No matter what the idiot child says, this isn’t a question of him not understanding English. No matter what the idiot child says, this isn’t a question of him not understanding the law. This is a matter of a Chinese Student who is well aware of what the law is actively and intentionally deciding that he does not need to obey the laws. Chinese Boss is angry at the kid but wondering/worrying if this will affect probation/immigration. Yes, I’m a dick. But my initial reaction? Deport the fucker. How many second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, now ninth chances are we going to give this kid? His criminal record is just driving but it is TWO PAGES LONG.

Clearly? I’m a prosecutor. In my heart, in my soul, in my very being… I am the guy that looks at a situation like this and says, “Compassion has its place, but this is not that place.” Whereas a defense attorney would look at a situation like this and say, “Ha! If I can get him out of jams every time, this kid is a bank roll. Too stupid to stop getting in trouble, too rich to get a PD.”

It’s just a damned shame that prosecutor jobs come open in the fashion they do. Likely, you wait for months and months. Three or Four jobs open up. There is a mad rush and (secret) the jobs that are advertised aren’t always open. Polk County is infamous for this… they only hire interns but they have a government responsibility to advertise the position. So, even though they have a position open, it isn’t available. Which is why so many people told me not to do this. Not to go into law. Especially if I was only interested in one narrow avenue of law. But y’know what? I’m glad for it. As an actor, I heard stories about how all the best actors were discouraged. Harrison Ford was told after his first film role that he didn’t have the right stuff to be in Hollywood. That was in “Dead Heat on a Merry Go Round” in 1966. Today, because of his acting, he has a net worth of over $210 million. Hardship and rejection breed strength. Yeah… it is going to take time to get back into Prosecution. Maybe it is going to take even more time than I think. And yeah, I suck with patience, it is something I am working on. But… I’m not going to give up on my dream. I’m not going to quit chasing what I want. Not this time.

I have a vision. And yes, if I create a vision board I’ll share it here. As funny and pathetic as a Vision Board for me would be! lol.

Oh… and one more thing....
In a world with poverty, war, disease… Global Catastrophe, Refugee Crises, and the impending doom of a million different sources....

I now officially declare that President Trump was selected by the Electoral College expressly for three reasons
(1) He can, has, and will be The King of snagging headlines. We don’t want to talk about Nuclear Disaster, Puerto Rican blackouts, Domestic Starvation, or Income Inequality.... did you just see what Trump said?!
(2) For all of his bluster, pompousness, and absolute bullshit… the man does not know how the presidency works and couldn’t care to know. This directly benefits career politicians who, prior to his election, saw Trump as “a good mouth piece but someone who would let us set policy.”
(3) Even if he doesn’t know it, he makes for an excellent fall guy. Lets say that everything the GOP wants to do passes and fails. They can instantly say it isn’t their fault, it is Trump’s! The GOP can say WE wanted to stop terrorism, but Trump botched it. They have already split hairs on whether to pull the trigger on this Strategy for the Government Shut Down. Trump Loyalists are saying the Democrats are to blame for the possible Government Shut Down. That won’t play well, since the GOP has consolidated their power and control. So, GOP members who want to stay in office after Trump-mania departs, have come out admitting “Yes, the president used tough language about immigration. He may have said shithole or shithouse or neither, but I do believe the language used puts our DACA discussions in jeopardy.” Translation: Yeah, focus on how Trump is a racist asshole… if the government shuts down, we’ll say that’s why!

Last updated January 17, 2018