Up In Lights in Chapter 2 : The Elle Era

my confidence is a facade, not that you will care. Everyone sees me, no they don’t, they just think that they do, nor do they know me. People who get to know me are always shocked when they get that little bit closer and realise that I’m in therapy, on anti-depressant and physically attack myself on a daily basis in one way, shape or form. I don’t do any of it for kicks, nor do I want to kill myself(not at the moment anyway), I don’t do it for “the attention” but I won’t hide because I’m not ashamed, I do it for relief, relief from life, relief from being me, relief from my mind, but they never see this because they never look into my eyes. I’m not being rude, I just struggle to make eye contact. I don’t exactly come across as shy automatically, but I am sometimes, most of the time I am a spare part, I am an accessory to other peoples lives. I get to be there but no-one ever really wants my particpation but I’ll always particpate anyway, that’s what we parasites do; we worm our way in somehow, we get picked up , then we latch on, and we suck and suck…I suck.

I’ve got my counselling tomorrow morning, Elenor’s is for a treat. Appearing LIVE: The World’s Biggest Fruit Loop, watch her as the rest of her screws come loose!!

Last updated January 11, 2018