Call Me A Millennial in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Call me a Millennial but something I really don’t like?

I don’t like being told I’m shitty for things that are effectively not my fault… only to be not told I’m not shitty for catching things that are my bosses’ fault.

As some of you may be aware, Defense Lawyers typically have contracts with the State Public Defender’s Offices (SPDOS). These contracts allow SPDOS to withdraw from a case, if need be, and appoint a Private Attorney at State Expense so that the Criminal Defendant is still represented. This is a common practice.

I have SPDOS contracts that cover 9 counties. Yes, I cover 10% of the State of Iowa at a discounted rate. One of those Counties is POLK. The most populous county. Most populous of people and most populous of lawyers. I had not gotten any contract cases from Polk for a while, but thought little of it. The SPDOS have 3 different criminal divisions, each manned by an entire team of attorneys and the Private Attorney contracts are shared by loads of attorneys. Not getting a call every month just seemed… normal. Especially as a Newbie. Apparently, I am shit. Apparently, not going out of my way to demand that judges appoint me makes me a bad attorney. Apparently, Chinese Boss is “not happy” with my performance in not making The State Government give me work. Yes… I do suppose I could hang out at the courthouse constantly demanding that I be given work. But then… why in the fork do I work for a firm? LITERALLY solo practitioners do that and exactly that. They hang out in court houses to get work. Because they have time to do that (as they aren’t with other clients) and because that is how they can put food on their table. If I wanted to be a Court Room Beggar; I could quit the firm and do that on my bloody own, thank you very much. AND I have a valid contract with the State. They say they lost it? How is their fuck up my responsibility? Just… bullshit.

And then… when the reverse happens? So… Polk County appointed me to a case. HA! I have a case from Polk County after all. But… the case has a familiar name on it. HERE’S SOME IMPORTANT FUCKING FATAL BACK STORY.................
I work for a private law firm. It has been in practice for 3 years. THEY HAVE NO SYSTEM FOR CONFLICT CHECKS. So… an attorney who wasn’t as obsessed with ethics as I am could easily take a case in this firm that the attorney is ethically and legally barred from taking! This matters because the ONE CASE Polk gives me (finally, eat it bosses)… has a familiar name on it. I have been given the case of a Defendant charged as a Get Away Driver in a case where we already represent the Actual Stabber. And because of who I am… I caught it. I didn’t take it, work on it, then realize I couldn’t do this. Which… my bosses may have preferred as that would have been more lucrative. No. I caught it immediately. Any “thank you” or “good job, we may not have a conflict check system but I’m glad you’re on the ball?” NOPE. Just “Well did you hear back on if you’ll be getting more appointments?”

Again… call me a millennial.... but.... “BOO ON YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S DECISIONS AND ACTIONS” meeting zero praise for going above and beyond to be ethical and professional? Just… not my kind of environment, I guess. That goes back to previous examples of shit............
This firm has an expectation that issues within the Firm are caught before they become public. If any individual who deals with case does not catch the issue before it becomes public; that individual is in extreme trouble. If the individual does catch the issue; you did your job.

Mother. Fucker. Here’s another great example of… well… shit. And why I hate Immigration. And the people I work with.

During the WEEK WE WERE OFF where I worked 12 hours… I was asked to put together a package and send it off. I did exactly as I was instructed. I DID IT WRONG, IT IS MY FAULT, MORE OF THE FIRM TELLING ME I AM SHIT. Because even though I did exactly as I was instructed I did not follow the Government’s Instructions. Yes, that means that while I followed what I was told to do by the firm, I did not go back to the original government website to verify that WHAT MY IMMIGRATION LAWYER BOSSES/ASSISTANTS REQUESTED OF ME was the right procedure. So… bad me. Bad me for doing as I was told.

Especially bad for me as Chinese Boss says she cannot pay me for my work on that case now. As the application was rejected, I shan’t be getting paid for putting it together. So… I sit here and think.... kind of glad you asked me to put this together and send it off without being available to do a Supervisory Quality Control Check.

Just… yeah. I throw in with these guys. I do what I’m told… I look for ways to help and/or improve. I try to be a good lawyer. I try to do what I need to do. I’m not just looking to coast and reap massive rewards. But… I was certainly brought into this firm under false pretenses. The “teamwork” “training” and everything else promised? Hrm… not so much. Now… if they had said, “We’ll work you hard while demanding you be available when we ask”… I actually still would have taken the job. But… expectations, darling. Tell me I’m going to be expected to use my phone for all work communication… tell me I’m going to be required to use my own laptop for all work items… tell me I’ll be expected to second guess everyone’s work while never being able to call out my own bosses… tell me how shitty it is going to be? I still would have taken the job, but I would have been more prepared for the bad parts.

I see friends and former colleagues writing these brilliant (if not always supported) insightful articles about Pop Culture.... I admit some envy. No, they aren’t getting paid. Yes, it is more of a society retreating to The Fictional as the Real becomes more difficult to tolerate. I get all of that. I get why I want(ed) to spend time trying to affect actual change. But… I do still wish I could engage in these “surface” Pop Culture article writing and thought sharing.

I would love to write an article on my thoughts as to
(1) Buffy: Why did Giles end up being kind to Angel after getting his soul back when Angelus killed Jenny… more importantly why was he nice to Angel but was never good to Spike after he got a soul? (I would have so much to say on that topic).
(2) Why we need Clark Kent as Clark Kent now more than ever. When the world is as dark as it keeps getting; we’re going to have a lot more people look for a Batman when they need a Superman. You’ll have a lot more people want a Dark Avenger when they should be shown Power With Restraint, a man who can conquer the world but only wants to help people… yes, Superman is seen as corny in the modern world… but it is because we no longer contemplate true goodness. I would have so much to say on this topic.
(3) Time Travel as a component of story telling. Not merely story out of time or a linear perspective telling a non-linear story but simply the idea that time travel can be used to tell the same story in multiple ways, multiple stories in the same way, changing out characters, etcetera.

I just figured it out. This is likely because of how tired I am and because of the job and the people and the everything… when I find myself thinking “Dammit, I should be writing articles that likely won’t get seen and won’t be published and certainly won’t make money”… what that means is… I miss me. I miss being me. I miss the guy that would hang out in College or Best Buy or Law School and hold conversations that lasted for hours. I miss grabbing food with more than just myself and discussing things from the trivial to the pertinent.

This is a part of Post-Law School that killed me in Tiny Town and certainly isn’t helping around here. When I worked the Jail Law Library it was solo. Nobody to grab food with or even an after-work drink. When I worked Tiny Town, pretty much the same deal except for Juvenile Court once a month. And here? Yeah. Me. Office. Solo. Well, except for the yelling and being told I’m fucking up. I’m not solo there.

It is funny. Someone suggested this may be my training to learn to stand for myself or learn to live with myself. Perhaps. Thing is? Professionally, this isn’t an issue. Sure, I’d prefer a better environment. But just me, the law, the client, the computer… I can deal with that. But even the most pained introvert is still a social creature. So with that… I’m thinking I need to figure out ways to go and socialize with people more for my work sanity.

Now for something completely different. China… is crazy:

I… am either sick or didn’t get any damned sleep. Because I kept nodding off at work and now I’m missing things I shouldn’t around home. Like… “where did I put the remote control? The one you’re holding? Yeah. That one. Dude.