Blah... in Ramblings of a stranger..

Is how the fuck I feel..

I blocked Drill Sargent today. It is obvious he has a million and one reservations about me..

Also I told him way too much. We were having a “deep” conversation.. And I get it… I laid WAY too much on him.. Told him about things my real dad did to me, when I was younger…

I told him what my step dad did to me, when he thought I was sleeping.. I told him how unworthy I felt. I told him about my Mom going in for a biopsy And how that scares me since my grandma (her mom!!!) died almost a year ago from cancer…

I put too much on him. He had nothing to say really. I get it. No one wants a broken girl with a messy ass life..

Fuck. I ruin everything. I’ve never considered suicide.. Well, lately maybe I’ve entertained things concerning suicide… But never killing myself.. I’ve fantasized about running away… I fantasized about burning myself again.

I need control. That pisses me off. I haven’t done that shit since I was kid.. And I still bare the scars. It’s how I dealt with the shit with my real dad..

I wish I had a Dad who didn’t sexually fantasize about me.. I just want to be loved… I hope and “pray” that my Charlee never goes through this shit. Fuck. I’m done.

Thanks for reading a darker post of mine.. If you made it through… Sorry :(