Never, ever.. in Ramblings of a stranger..

Put your happiness into someone else. You will most surely be left disappointed every, single time. A lesson/skill I’m learning is difficult to master.

So Drill Sargent came back last night… And I have many mixed emotions. I hate emotions. I don’t know how to process them. So when one, single person makes me feel a lot of different emotions all at once, it is just too much for my brain to handle.

I was excited at first… The drive there was boring and awkward.. I got to take a hot shower there, since my pipes were frozen and I couldn’t before he got there.. His hot water is amazing. I judge peoples homes based on their hot water/water pressure abilities.. Whatever. He immediately wanted to go into boning which was… Amazing. Seriously. Best we’ve ever had. He went down there for damn near 20 minutes, too. It was just great. We ended, and he went back to watching his game which was fine. I fell asleep on couch until he woke me up to go to bed. He didn’t cuddle or snuggle with me. Which didn’t go unnoticed by me.. We ended up fucking again in the morning. Without a rubber. Fuck! The drive to drop me off af work was ew and he was grouchy and rude, but he ended up giving me a ride home as well. I left my bag in his car, because I work with grimey ass thieves. He hardly texted me at all. When we did chat, it was brief… The drive home from work was awkward as well… And I’ve yet to hear a single word since.. Granted it has only been 2 hours. Also noticed my zipper in my overnight bag was opened, and it contained my little amount of weed and pipe… I know I closed it. I don’t know if that has anything to do with not hearing from him.. I’ve been honest from the get go and we have open discussions about my weed use from time to time… Ugh

I’m too much to be in a relationship with. I wanna ask stupid shit.. Like, “Did you purposefully not cuddle me last night?” And “Why did you feed me nice bullshit for weeks AFTER I broke it off because I felt we became all about sex and because you confused me.. Just to do the same exact fucking thing to me when you got home!?!? ”

But I don’t wanna be clingy. Naggy. Annoying.

I need a life coach. Someone come in and give me CLEAR instructions on what to do next.