Those Good Morning Feelings in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Dreams can remind us of the worst of us sometimes.
Last night, my dream was one such as that.
I was back in college, during my undergrad years, and reviewing my schedule at the end of the semester planning out Finals Studying. I saw three classes I had simply not attended. It was too late to withdraw from those classes and there was no possible way I could get a passing grade simply with the final. Felt stuck and without hope of success. Then I went to The Business School where a concert was playing… when I realized my Cello was in my hands. I made my way to my stand partner but… it was a poor experience. The concert was already going so it was extremely rude for me to walk in so late. Plus, getting to my stand partner was more difficult than it should have been. All just… not good feelings.

Then I woke up. And sat in bed. And tried to process that I had to go to work. At Firm. And that anger/sorrow of loss about the ACA job rose again. I would happily bound out of bed to work at a place with structure, pay, benefits, staff, and doing a job I believe in… provided the community wasn’t dying around me. But this place? Wake up to work for a Chinese Government that I very much see as The Bad Guy? Wake up to make sure drug addicts can get their kids back? Wake up to make sure criminals get softer sentences or walk completely? That is… well… not life affirming. And I just sat in bed trying to find motivation, trying to find a reason to bound out and get ready for my day. And the best I could come up with is… you have obligations and responsibilities that must be met. My motivation to get through the day here is “you are expected to.”

So I get in to work… only to hear White Boss and Chinese Boss already screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Super duper. First work day of the year, review my cases....
Drunk Chinese National who almost struck a pedestrian while drinking with a BAC of .17
Idiot Chinese National who brought a loaded hand gun to school
Chinese National cited for driving without a license
Drunk Chinese National who was discovered “parked” halfway on the curb, engine running, blew a .24
Chinese National who wants to fight a 5 MPH speeding ticket
Chinese National who didn’t pay rent for 15 months
Chinese Immigrant who crossed the Triads in China
Chinese Immigrant who wants to get an expedited Green Card because he is 92
Chinese Immigrant who is pissed that the Chinese Government took her businesses without compensation
Chinese Immigrants who want to open a Luxury Car Dealership
Vietnamese Immigrant who wants an expedited Green Card because she is a Christian
African American Girl charged with Assault for macing a guy in a parking lot
Absentee Father whose Baby Mama does drugs
Involved Father whose Baby Mama is on drugs
11 Year Old Boy who Rapes His Sister
African American Girl charged with stealing clothes from Kohls
Involved Mother who is recovering from drugs
Involved Father who may still be on drugs
Absentee Father with a drug history
Foster Parent who beats his Mentally Challenged Foster Kids.

THAT is the list of people I get to “help.” Certainly doesn’t make me feel any better about not being able to get back into the County Attorney game. Fingers crossed that something comes up this year.