Dylan Farrow & The Sexual Abuse Effect in Personal Essays

Before I left for my Sunday errands, I posted a Salon article (http://www.salon.com/2014/02/02/compartmentalizingwoodyallenwhatamericachoosesnottosee/) and had this pre-comment I made before I posted the article on my Facebook page: "The reason why sexual abuse and rape victims are silent: it is because we have always, always, as a society put someone talents', in many of these situations, above the actual amoral acts that have been committed.

I don't care how talented Woody Allen is...I've always thought him sleeping with his girlfriend's DAUGHTER and marrying her was bad...and him abusing his other daughter...is just as worse. I don't care how talented you are...when you commit crimes such as these, we should NOT be celebrating you."

Well, I had a fellow rater, at my former job posted this: "I've read about several of the accusations against him over the years, and none of them have any evidence or proof other than what someone has said. Yes, he could have done those things, in which case he certainly deserves universal condemnation, but until we know for sure, I don't think it's right to taint someone's character."

I read this while I was at Starbucks waiting to get my iced latte drink. Of course, when I got back from my errands, I made this long post in response to how she responded to my comments and the posting of the article:

" Hello, Orange Hair Rater:

Are you trying to start an "argument" with me? LOL. For those of us who know you, you love to argue (in a constructive, respectful way, of course)--especially about controversial subjects! Let me start off with...I believe you and I will come to respectfully, as the old flag cliche comes up, agree to disagree.

Let me also start off by saying, like you, I never really condemned Woody Allen or judged him due to not knowing concrete evidence of what he did over the years. However, after reading Dylan Farrow's letter, when it comes to standing in the middle of the road on these matters, I am sorry...but it is time for me to jump out of the middle of the road and onto a side.

As someone who has been sexually harassed three times and who was almost kidnapped by a suspected child molester (if I would have gotten into the car with him, I may not be writing this to you today), I have to give Dylan Farrow a chance in her telling the truth.

Her letter disturbingly describes how Allen molested her when she was seven years old. And even though the legal system during the early 90s dismissed the case because they didn't want to further traumatize Dylan, she got the bad end of the stick anyway.

Besides that, I've always had reserved suspicions of Woody Allen anyway concerning his marriage to his girlfriend (as you know, Mia Farrow) adopted daughter. It is reported that he was sleeping with her at the age of twenty...and of course, they got married later on. Personally, I find it quite disturbing in the light of what Dylan Farrow has written, BUT I still reserved judgment because Dylan Farrow has never spoken out.

And yes, one can also say that stranger and more scandalous happenings go in within families that are quite worse...but from my point of view, due to my background and how I was raised, I think it is quite inappropriate what Allen done.

Am I saying that Allen is not talented--nope. He is quite talented...even a genius. But I will say more explicitly, the majority of people in our society has let people off the hook for shocking crimes just because they are talented. Well, I view them as two separate entities. Was Hitler a clever and organized...and fed his people during his reign in Germany? Sure, he did. He capitalized on his promises. But does it make it right? No, not to me and plenty of other people. What he did was pure evil.

As a feminist and as someone who is an advocate of protecting victims and helping victims find their voice which empowers them, if you asked me who I believe...if I had to decide right now, I believe Dylan Farrow. If I am wrong and she lied, well, it is on me, and I take full responsibility foe backing her as I always take responsibility for my actions. However, if she is right, then, I cannot simply ignore what Allen did. It is horrendous, and in some fashion, he will pay for it in some way. I am huge believer in karma."

I want to talk about several matters in why I posted this comment and link to my Facebook page concerning the Salon article I read.

I believe that Roxane Gay makes valid points that I agree with in her assessment of what has been going on with Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow.

For those who haven't been following, Woody Allen, a few weeks ago, was awarded Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement by the Golden Globes for his awing work throughout the year of his career. Woody Allen is quite a talented film artist. No one is disputing that. However...

Allen has a controversial history. As he is as infamous for sexual abuse allegations as he is famous for making genius films. The infamous sexual abuse allegations have followed Allen around and has not really been brought to light strongly until after he was awarded the Cecil B. DeMille award. First, it started with Mia and Ronan Farrow speaking out on Twitter talking about how can Hollywood honored a man with a tainted and tumultuous reputation? He molested his daughter, and he had an affair with Mia Farrow's daughter who he married and bore two children later (He had an affair with her adoptive daughter when she was 20 years old).

And then, Dylan Farrow, who has reminded silent over two decades, wrote a letter which was published yesterday in the New York Times about her father molesting her. The first part of this letter disturbs me so much...that how can one make this up? It is so compelling to me that I believe her when she describes:

"What’s your favorite Woody Allen movie? Before you answer, you should know: when I was seven years old, Woody Allen took me by the hand and led me into a dim, closet-like attic on the second floor of our house. He told me to lay on my stomach and play with my brother’s electric train set. Then he sexually assaulted me. He talked to me while he did it, whispering that I was a good girl, that this was our secret, promising that we’d go to Paris and I’d be a star in his movies. I remember staring at that toy train, focusing on it as it traveled in its circle around the attic. To this day, I find it difficult to look at toy trains."

For many and many years, many in our society have turned away from looking at the abuse victim especially where you have high power figures or figures who have always been in the media spotlight. Allen, in one way or another, has always been in the media spotlight even before social media took off in the 21st century. It is no secret that Hollywood is an industry that has always had pedophiles...and these pedophiles come in many forms. What is dangerous about Hollywood pedophiles is the catch-22...

You are well-known, you are talented, you've contributed to film history, so we will ignore the allegations or your reputation because you aren't like the stereotypical pedophile here. You've done something with your life. You are well-known. So, we won't punish you for your dirty secret. We will actually AID you in keeping your dirty secret because you produce genius works. The end. Hell, it is not the end. Dylan Farrow is not the first, and unfortunately, she will not be the last to experience a "trusted" adult molesting her...and causing her panic attacks. And the reason why this is public information is because her father is a FAMOUS director who was awarded a lifetime achievement award. For some, I speculate many abuse victims, feel the resentment of this man getting accolades instead of being re-investigated for the crimes he committed.

Some of you will say...he didn't do it. It is not enough evidence, and we should not taint his reputation. Someone once told me that if you stand in the middle of the road for too long, your ass will get ran over. As I expressed in my comment up above, when it comes to matters like this where I have someone else's story, well, it is time for me to get my ass off the middle of the road and jump on a side.

I am going to jump on the side, as I said, and believe Dylan Farrow? Why? Well, I've always, as I said prior to the Facebook comment response I made, thought that Woodly Allen wasn't an inappropriate person anyway. It is strangely wrong how he slipped behind Mia Farrow's back and started sleeping with or courting her daughter. As I also said in the comment, family dynamics...and familial experiences can be completely complicated. I mean there are folks who have done a lot worse or the same thing that Allen has done concerning getting with their adoptive daughters or sons...or stepsons and stepdaughters. I supposed it is not against the law for someone to marry someone else adoptive daughter. It is quite scandalous.

Yet, it's another thing to find out that you've been molesting your seven year old adoptive daughter. And to me, it doesn't matter if she is adoptive or not, it is still wrong. It also seems to me Allen has an obsessive problem with women. Yes, he has captured many women on film in many of his great movies, but it seems like he might couldn't keep his hands off of other's children's daughters when he was involved with them.

And yes, you can also argue that I am sensitive on this subject because I know how it feels to be sexually exploit. You trust people...in all three of my cases concerning being sexually harassed...and what happens, these people in all three situations betrayed my trust. One happened in high school, one happened while I was in college, and the other happened in a work situation. Of course, the work situation, I can't say if that was concrete sexually harassment because that happened once...but still, it was inappropriate what the co-worker done. And the reason why I didn't report him because it was a middle of the road situation...but the other two cases, it happened. And the one in college...well, this person I knew...he grabbed my boob..so I wouldn't call that harassment more of being sexually exploited because he thought he could get away with it. I never talked to him again or got into the car with him again. I thought that his was my friend, but he proved otherwise.

Of course, me almost getting kidnapped...that happened while I was with my parents in middle school. I was lagging behind them, and they were walking up ahead of me...and this guy in his car slowly crept by...and he pretty much asked where I was going, and he tried to lure me into the car. I don't think he knew my parents were up there, and if he did, he didn't care. Yet, I told him no and didn't get into the car with him.

These experiences did not ruin my life because I did not allow it, but I cannot speak for other kids who have had worse experiences than me or similar experiences than me. When you sexually exploit a child for your own sick self, the predator doesn't give a shit about what happens to the child. What they only care about is exploiting the child to where they feel good about doing it. It perverted, and it is sick.

I am all about being in the middle of the road as long as a car is not coming. However, if there indication of headlights coming down that road, it signals me to get out of the road. I understand that people want to side with Allen or still give him a benefit of the doubt. However, I am looking at the large picture and so is Roaxne Gay. And the large picture is this:

The large picture is that talented artists like Allen (Roman Polanski also, back in the day, raped a sixteen year old girl) actions and/or allegations get swept to or excused from the side because their talent is more important than what they actually have done amorally. Listen, I admire talent, brilliance, and genius. Those traits leave me in awe. YET, as a 32 year old woman, my capacity of morality and compassion triumphs does traits. There are people who have those qualities who do not molest kids or sexually exploit children.

We all need to learn that no one gets a jail out of free card for this kind of abuse. It is horrible, and the victims of abuse have to live with their perpetrators' actions for the rest of their lives. In this case, every time folks support a public figure like Woody Allen, we are little by little approving his behavior and/or sweeping it under the rug.

As for Orange Hair Rater and our conversation ending, it ended on a peaceful note:

Orange Hair Rater:

“Yes, IF he is, in fact, guilty, I totally agree with everything you've said. Also, I really appreciate the fact that I can disagree with you on your posts. I'd be afraid to do that with a lot of people b/c I don't want them to get upset or offended, but it's always very easy to "argue" about something with you in a civil manner!”

Me:

“The world would be boring if everyone agreed with everyone. The real art of arguing is coming off with respecting each other's sides. I can't speak for you, of course, if you believe Allen or not. Or if you are an Allen fan. I will not judge you for believing him or needing further evidence. Everyone is quite different in regards to how they interpret someone else's case.

As you know, it depends on the eye of the beholder. We all have our truths in how we see matters. All what I said up above, I could be wrong. If I am, I am sorry in advance concerning Woody Allen. If I am right, it is quite a sad situation. But then again, instead of people continuing to back him, they need to decide if that's right or not.

And even then, if Allen is guilty, he ain't the only one. When we talk about these issues on a larger level, there are actual pedophiles who get away with molesting children all the time because people don't believe they are the usual suspects. If they do and see alerting signs, they still sweep it under the rug...such and such couldn't have done this....”

Regards, SMF