Should Have Guessed in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

I should have guessed that today would be a Two Entry (or more) Day. DEFINITELY more if I get the phone call. Though, I’m guessing I won’t be getting it today. Just intuition.

Last night, I finished a Federal Form and long-form Federal Petition Letter for an asylum case. I sent it to Chinese Boss asking “Please review and advise.” Apparently, that is NOT the proper way of doing that. Because… she reviewed it… said it was good… even told me that my part of the project was, then, done. Until 20 minutes later when she and Muse enter my office, she shuts the door, and starts yelling at us. I handle it calmly… which bothers the hell out of Chinese Boss. She wants to see me either (1) lose my shit or (2) kow tow with passion. I inform her that I don’t speak Chinese. I never spoke with this client. “Then how did you do your work?!” I explain that I was e-mailed the Personal Statement, the only item I need in order to do the Long Form and the Letter, and discovered on my own the information needed to do my work. “You never looked in his file?! You never looked to see if he had a file?!” I explain that, no, I did not require information from his file as everything that I needed had been e-mailed to me at the time the assignment was given. The calmer I am, the more she loses her shit. To the point where she has to stop shouting, walks away (visibly collecting herself to stop from exploding), and comes back to the conversation. She starts shouting that we didn’t even have the basic stuff necessary (like signed forms from the client). I agree with her. Those forms are important and should always be signed and dealt with during initial intake. As I did not perform initial intake, that is a problem that should be solved. (Perhaps I wasn’t subtle about it, but frankly… if something is supposed to be done on Day 1 and I get the project on Day 394; don’t come at me about that shit!) So Chinese Boss actually said, “Maybe some of this is my fault, too. But you need to catch this. You need to tell me that we don’t have this information, this paperwork. I was near the client every week the last three weeks and no one tell me we need this stuff.” I stay silent. Because… she is right, we need that stuff, and she was near the client. But frankly, I’m not participating in a shouting match where her mistakes become my fault because I didn’t realize a folder I had never seen lacked paperwork.

So that’s how my morning was professionally. Chinese Boss absolutely losing her shit over something that literally could not be my fault, but is my fault because I didn’t catch it and solve it when I was assigned the last parts of the case.

Yeah. REALLY wish I didn’t have such a negative intuition about this ACA job. It’d be a lot better if I could walk around beaming sunshine knowing I was leaving here soon. It would be a lot better if I was confident that I was getting the job offer. I can’t explain why I’m not. Maybe it is my perpetual self-doubt or my strong belief that I must have upset Fate at some point in my life strong enough for her/him to have it out for me. I just… I have that feeling in my guy and my heart that says “Stop hoping. Get real. You gave it your best try, but it wasn’t good enough.”

And in the spirit of this being like a Friday for many (not me) I wish you all a merry and happy Christmas. Meanwhile, I think I’m going to turn into a stuffed donkey and hang out over here.