On Trainwrecks in Random Public Stuffs

I have often said, ”Its like a trainwreck. I just can’t look away.”

This is often in relation to people. For some reason, I am just flat-out annoyed with some people.

I will defend to the death someone’s right to write here and do so safely. Everyone should have some place to be able to express themselves without much criticism. When you post public entries, you open yourself up to the possibility of all types of negativity.

Maybe its because I got my ortho-visc shot today and I am in pain. I took some meds but they seem to be taking their time. Whatever.

I randomly read people on the front page and I found a couple of those trainwrecks.

You know, I know people are different, but what people don’t seem to understand is there are other people who can tell how fake they are.

For example, the whole ”I hate talking on the phone just text me” fad/bullshit. Now, I HAVE gone with people to their banks to talk with someone about a transaction because they didn’t want to talk on the phone. They were about as scared sitting down in-person, but apparently, with me there, things seem to be okay. It’s the same for billing questions, they will stay on the phone long enough to give me permission to talk on their behalf then pretty much throw the phone at me and hide in the other room.

I can understand that on a certain level. But I also see it as a form of absolute selfishness. I can’t text you when I am driving, but you sent me a text and want something. You better answer the fucking phone up when I call or you are shit out of luck and can’t throw a little bitch-tantrum.

That is how I view that “text only” fad. You will find the true people with anxiety in the crowd of attention-whores. Just delay a paycheck and internet service. See how fast people get on that phone. I did read that in one of the entries of the trainwreck. ”Blah blah, my work messed up my payroll info, I jumped on the phone and gave them hell, blah blah.”

Here I wrote my “woe is me” entry and now I am laughing about it. One of my noters told me they knew I would work through my grief, because I am tough.

After reading some of the repetitive bullshit? Damn straight I am.

I can tell the attention-whores from everyone else because they always have excuses, they flat-out refuse to better themselves, and they will rid themselves of anyone who calls them out on their bullshit.

”Fuck you Georgie, my life was and is so rough!”

Well, I grew up on a reservation in an alcoholic family with a father who was a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD. It took him two years and 27 different VA hospitals to sober and clean up. I was sexually assaulted by a “first cousin” (my culture doesn’t have “cousin”) and was told to shut up about it. Was made to fight to learn how to defend myself. Was bullued in school by being knocked down, had my hair burned, got jumped, hit with sports equipment until I lost my shit and fought back.

I had my own flashbacks and started cutting.

I have been stalked, raped, had a gun in my face, and been beaten to near unconsciousness.

I have lost a child, I have lost loved ones because I had to choose between them and my son or my own health.

I have been homeless, hungry, and down.

But I got up. I fought. I gave as good as I got. I worked my way to the top time and time again.

I forgave because I refused to let someone else’s pain and anger control my life. This is MY life. My own mother and sister told me that “it was a good thing that Kaleb was stillborn because I am a shitty person”. They and other people have said some hateful things to me…but I didn’t let it break me. I am not that weak of a person.

I forgave them. Karma comes around, and I get to watch.

I have been blessed many times over and I try my best to focus on that. I take my meds, I don’t hide from my therapist, nor am I afraid of her or what she may bring up.

It’s about the attention. Everyone likes the idea of an epic comeback, and sometimes, they may have a small one. But many people stay in those fads because they are validated. ”You? Me too! Like, OMG no one understands us! #besties #goals.”

That is what I see when I read some of the trainwrecks.

Then, I remember I AM strong. I WILL evolve. Time WILL mend some of my battered heart and it will lessen the heartbreak of losing my Dad.

I WILL MOVE FORWARD.

For that, I am thankful.

I wonder which of my FO readers sees me as their trainwreck. ”Lawd Georgie be fuuuuucked up! Thank you for showing me shit can be worse!”

Happy to be of service to mankind. LOL