It Just Always Seems Like in meh...

Every time I think…things are at least on an even keel, that’s when the crisis strikes. It’s tiring, living everyday waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. It often feels like whenever I want to or try to do something for myself or when I make plans to better myself, something pops up and I can’t. I’ve been saying that I was in a place to try and save money to get a car or buy a house and now I can’t. And these aren’t things I just desire, these are things I need.

Nothing new has happened outside the usual distressed I’m undergoing currently, but I’ve been at a crossroads on whether or not to just cry. This is my only outlet. I don’t have many friends and the ones I have, are self centered. I take that back. Everyone is so hands off and so detached from the suffering of others. It’s not even that I want them to get involved, but be more than surface concerned.

I haven’t talked to RJ in about a week. Scott reached out, but I wasnt able to talk to him. I haven’t been on Facebook. The one time I went there, I posted some song lyrics directed at the family who failed me. Well. They actually had to have put forth effort to actually fail me I guess. I’ve barely been here. So I lose myself in podcasts and watching Showbox.

I was at work and I realized, well noticed how tense I was. I had a scowl on my face and I noticed it after a while. People calling in to work are bothering my nerves. I’ve been getting there early to play catch up on the weekend.

I love my daughter, but I don’t want her at my house, but they don’t have anywhere to go.

As my son and his friend was bringing some stuff over, bitch ass neighbor was conveniently sweeping outside. Outside being nosey and ear hustling to find out anything. I strongly dislike him.

My back was getting better, now it’s bothering me. I’ve been bitten by something on a toe on my foot, arm…I’m not happy.

I listen to a podcast called “Terrible, Thanks For Asking”. I think I will start saying this and actually being honest.

Bubby Jr is home. It feels like he’s been gone for weeks. It’s only been a few days. Bubby Sr had a low grade fever and complained of a headache. I gave him some fever medicine now he is asleep.

I was going to sleep on the couch, but I guess that’s for him.

I look so pitiful right now.

I feel so pitiful right now.

::sighs heavily::

Take care.

Kindest regards,
Sister

P.S. 1:10a… Bubby Sr just threw up on the living room floor. He managed to stop on the stairs and chucked a few more times on the way up. He doesn’t like the fever meds, so it’s a chore getting him to take them. I don’t have any juice or ginger ale for him to take it with, so water had to do.

I have a new hive/welt/bite on my face and on my hip/butt/back/stomach area.

I had hives once when my grandmother stressed me out. I had welts on my face, but they didn’t really itch like these. I looked like I had been smacked in the face with a spider web.

I need to be in the bed sleeping. Instead, I’m on vomit watch with a side quest to scratch all the itches possible.

😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

Last updated December 07, 2017