OD regrets in The Crimson Permanent Assurance

I realized one of the things I am most sad about OD dying is the loss of diaries like Chuck/Blather's which will probably never be recreated anywhere. And Hicks. "It was a boring day." These are some seriously first world problems but I am still sad about them. What I love about Prosebox is how easy it is to use mobilely since that is how I interact with the world these days due to work and the fear of someone tracking what I visit in the way of websites at work. I can't hate on how easy it is to stay updated this way.

I have so much going on right now in my life and I can only say that so much of it is something that I am ashamed to talk about publically because I am afraid of being judged for it, even though I know that most of you would understand and support me in it. Let me say that it is nothing to do with my marriage which you know has had so many ups and downs lately (well, in the last two years or so) and has everything to do with just me and my own issues. Tim and I are in a good place right now, thank God or whatever, because I couldn't be going through this without his complete support. It's just time that I was a big girl and dealt with my problems head on. I am taking anti depressants again because I am at least aware enough to know that I need that kind of help right now to get through what I have to.

I know this is all so intentionally vague, and I am sorry for that, I hope I will have the courage to be more open about what I am dealing with soon, and I know in the grand scheme of things I will feel stupid for not being more forthcoming with what I am dealing with, but for now it is enough to say that I am working on what needs to be worked on and I am hopeful that the coming days will be more better than not.

All that said, how about a shout out for Prosebox keeping us together? Some days all that keeps me motivated to make it through the next day is coming here and knowing that you are still a part of my life. I don't know what I would do without this intentional community. And don't mistake it for anything else, because we have chosen to be a part of each others lives, for better or worse, and that is a deep and abiding commitment. I would not be able to keep going through each day if I knew that YOU would not be a part of it, and that is the truth. For real. So, know that every day I am grateful to hear from you, even if I am the shittiest noter ever: I am trying, and it means everything, and I mean EVERY THING to me that you are still here, and that we still connect. No bullshit.

On that note, I am going to bed before I start crying like a little girl. See you on the other side, friends.