Surveys to avoid reality. in Questions

I’m feeling too shitty right now to actually write an entry, but I want to write and sit here and drink this beer and feel like I am connecting to something greater than myself, so I am going to do this survey…

What bill do you hate paying the most?
Probably my car payment because cars are a terrible investment and a source of extreme stress and anxiety in my life and I wish I lived in a place where I didn’t need one.
I don’t even like driving anymore.

Where was the last place you had dinner?
I don’t really eat dinner. I mean…I eat sometimes, when I remember to.
I guess the last time I really sat down at a table with some people and had a dinner was Saturday when I went to my friend, Brittany’s parents house and helped them all cook a huge Thanksgiving dinner and we had early Thanksgiving.

What do you really want to be doing right now?
I’m actually doing it, I think. I’ve got a 40 of Mickey’s, my favorite playlist that is a constant work in progress, and I’m typing answers to these stupid questions to an audience of maybe like three people…and I’m feeling pretty good about it.
I mean…I’d like someone to cuddle after this, but…I’m not looking for a miracle.
miracle whip.

How many colleges did you attend?
I’ve attended 4 colleges and I’ve dropped out of 4 colleges.

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I’m wearing the same sweat pants and hoodie that I’ve been wearing for a little over a week now, and yes they are starting to smell bad…and yes I know that’s gross…yes, I’m gross.

What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Oh, I just think they’re great. As we’ve discussed earlier, I’m a big fan of cars and car related things and since gas prices are mostly just taxes I feel like they should probably raise the prices because I also fucking love paying taxes.
ps, the roads look great, guys!

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Can’t I just be dead already?

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I hope I die in my sleep tonight.

Do you miss being a child?
My childhood was absolutely terrible and there is nothing about it that I’d wish to repeat or wish on anyone else. I absolutely do not miss being child, it was somehow worse than being an adult and being an adult totally fucking sucks.

What errand/chore do you despise?
I actually don’t mind doing chores if I’ve got some good music and weed or alcohol.
Errands? I fucking hate errands.
I’m not a big fan of driving or leaving my house.
Also, spending money gives me anxiety.

Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep forever.

Have you found real love yet?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha....ha…hehe…he…hha…eff.

Favorite lunch meat?
Dick.

What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Who the fuck goes to Wal-Mart?

Beach or Lake?
Well…lakes are definitely full of monsters, but the beach is definitely radioactive, so…
Uh....
…swimming pools?

Do you think marriage is outdated?
I think YOUR MOM is outdated.
ha.
Take that.

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
I don’t care much about dinner, but I’d like to hang out in a hot-tub with Jim Carey.
But also, the hot-tub has to be in the middle of a grocery store.
Don’t ask.

Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I totaled 3 cars before I was 18.
Since then I drive slow and safe.

Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
I’ve never even used a fire extinguisher for any purpose, but it looks like a pretty good time.

Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
On mushrooms, probably.

Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to?
I’m pretty sure I’ve already been everywhere in this damn state that I’d like to go, if there’s somewhere I haven’t been yet, there’s a reason.

At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
I’d like to start YOUR MOM.
For SEX.
I’d like to make sex with your mom my new career AND relationship.

How old are you?
32

Do you have your own Netflix or do you mooch?
I think having my own Netflix account is probably the most adult thing about me right now.
Oh, I also subscribe to PornHub Premium.
Now you can never unknow that about me.

Are you where you want to be in life?
Where do I want to be?
When I figure that out I can give you an answer.
Is anyone really anywhere?
Explain time and space to me and convince me they are static principles and we can talk.

Growing up, what were your favorite cartoon shows?
Mostly I just watched YOUR MOM.
In the shower.
YEAH!
TAKE IT!

What about you do you think has changed since childhood?
I don’t get molested nearly as much.

Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
I learned how to sell drugs.

Are there times you still feel like a kid?
No, but I don’t feel like an adult either.
I am a real monster.

Did you have a pager?
Yes, because it is 1996.
Go fuck yourself with this question.

How long have you had your cell phone number?
I’m listening to Interpol right now and they are just so damn good, aren’t they?

Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
My friend Diar lived with his grandma who didn’t give a fuck if we drank and smoked weed, so we spent a lot of time there…there was also this hiking trail that we spent a lot of time at in the summers…and a climbing garage that one of my friends older brothers built.
Basically anywhere we could smoke weed in private.

Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
If I ever had children I wouldn’t let them hang out with anyone because people are the absolute worst.

Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out to you?
A lot of authority figures stood out to me, and I tried my best to analyse and dismantle their visage of authority. I never did well with authority.
Teachers?
I had a few teachers I liked…the one that sticks out the most is Mr. Wood, my highschool art teacher. I loved that guy. I think I was a little too crazy for him and scared him so he definitely didn’t feel the same way about me.
I used to skip class and just hang out in his classroom.

Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age…“?
Only when I’m forced to talk to young people.