My name is human in Current Events

I don’t know how to make sense of this experience but I dove deep into myself yesterday. Through all the appointments and notifications and into the thoughts that I don’t like to think about. I went deeper than that. What is at my core? Well it was fear. What that fear is I do not know for sure. This is the part where I sound crazier than I already do. I felt like I was walking down the hallways of my high school. Which is also a recurring dream that I have. I could hear a flute in the band room, shoes squeaking in the gym, chalk scrapping the chalkboard. I could smell pencils and books… high school was a nightmare for me. Nobody knew what social anxiety was back then and nobody talked about mental illnesses. I was just “troubled youth”. I spent many nights wishing I wouldn’t have to wake up. Well I got through it and it’s behind me now. I thought anyway. I decided to take a moment to write down what my fears are. A long moment. Three glasses of wine later and I still have a blank page. These are the things I don’t even let myself think about. I want to get it out and face it everyday. I want to check them off. These are the unprocessed feelings that generate my anxieties and my depression after all.
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