Way out in the water, see it swimming? in Hello.

I've neglected my diary for AGES it seems. I just haven't felt the urge to write. I think that most of my favourites had a gut feeling that OD was going down the Swanny and stopped updating and noting then. I had almost 1,900 diary entries and over 45,000 hits at OD in the past 10 years. I feel a bit of a fraud transferring my traffic meter thing to here, it's just not the same.

I'm glad we were given the two weeks notice anyway. ITW didn't even give us that grace, it was just POOF! Gone. I'd already lost my diary when OD got hacked, then I lost it at ITW. I don't feel it necessary to download it to my computer. I've read random entries and some of it I'm not that bothered about keeping, some of it brings back bad memories and the rest....if I can't remember it without prompting, then it's obviously not worth bothering about. God, I feel like I'm channeling my dad here. :/ He isn't a fan of keeping letters or cards or anything sentimental. I used to be, but I seem to have grown out of it.

I've forged relationships there. I've made friends with people I would never have met in real life. Some people I feel like I know without ever having met. Some people I've met, others I wish I had met/will meet in the future. I've met Elizabeth, Naf, Eloise, Susanne, Hannah, Emmy Lou, Catriona...I'm sure there must be others, I'm sorry if that's you!

In the blogosphere, you get to read the innermost thoughts of a person, you get to know them on a whole other level...almost to the point that when you do meet them, you're a bit nervous what to talk about in case it's inappropriate.

Unfortunately, others you THINK you know, then you find out that you don't really. I've had one of those, someone I THOUGHT I knew really well. But it turns out I didn't know him at all. shrug A few of you may know who this is, but I'd thank you to keep it out of my public notes, if you don't mind. Yeah, you told me so. Thanks.

So, as sad as I am that OD is going, I'd like to think that it's shaped a part of me, and for that I'm grateful. I've learnt an AWFUL lot. I know now when to bite my tongue, what's appropriate, what's not, others' experiences, down to the tiniest of personal nuances. I've learnt a lot about illnesses, physical and mental. I've learnt that what we see on the surface isn't what's going on inside. Not by a long chalk. Even the 'friend who wasn't' taught me a lot about prejudice and judgement. That's only a very recent thing and even the most open minded among you may be surprised as to how judgmental you really are. I see it all over the internet and in real life. It's very VERY scary.

This is why I like blogging. You get to know the REAL me.

I read an online article last week about people who are introverted. I read it like it was talking about me. I may look loud and confident, but I'm not. It's an act. One of the things on there said "Could happily give a talk to a room of 500, but will squirm if anyone approached them about it afterwards." That's me. I'm EXACTLY like that. I can act the goat all day long, but I need to do deep breathing and prepare for it. I don't know how many times I've crossed the road to avoid speaking to someone simply because I HADN'T PREPARED A SPEECH IN MY HEAD. Friends and family I'm comfortable with, that's different. I don't need to put on a mask for them. I know they take me for who I am. When I'm at work, I sometimes catch myself being all confident and chatty and I have an internal conversation that goes "Wow! Look at me! Where is this stuff coming from?!!?" It's crazy.

Something else about introverts is that, apparently, they notice detail. Ironically, I wasn't aware that not everyone does. I just took it for granted that people do. Tell me the big picture and I'm likely to forget it. But I will remember the minutia of conversations we had 8 years ago. I remember facts, figures, names, trivia. Ask me what's going on in The Archers, even though I listen to it every weekend, I couldn't tell you a single character's name. Have listened to it since I was pregnant with Bel. But I can tell you my first phone number (334480), the name of best friend's dog from when I was 11 (Misty...even she had forgotten!) and the name of the woman who did my filing in my first real job after leaving school. I think I scared her by approaching her in my shop last week and calling her by name. She had no idea who I am.

There is no character limit on this, is there? Wow.

I've just embarrassed myself on Facebook by tagging two of the bassists from Babes In Toyland in a Riot Grrl quiz. I was quickly put in my place by Maureen "Sorry, I don't do Riot Grrl..." I was always under the impression the band were, god, did I feel foolish! I Googled Riot Grrl, they fit the criteria, but were never classified as that. Oh the shame.

Have some more photos of stuff. This photo was in the local newspaper. My dad and I doing the 32 mile sponsored walk. He's done it since its inception in the 70s, I've done it three times. I'm doing it again next month. It's pretty and I do like it. This is about 21 miles into the walk, on the approach to the hardest part. Google Honister Pass and you'll appreciate my face here.... With my Bel. I don't normally do makeup as a rule. This is me done up. :) My sister in law, Katie, me, Lisa. My tribute to Tenacious D-KG, me and Li....(I don't normally post this many photos of me....I'm getting them out of my system...) I miss Lisa. But that's another story for another entry. She's alive, don't worry. Me and my girls. I have freckles. :) Me and my John. He's gorgeous, I can't believe he's mine.