Late Tree Beauty and Fierce Determination in Everyday Ramblings

This was yesterday morning walking across the Hawthorne Bridge from the east side towards downtown. While everything here is now mostly bare or yellow there are still pockets of ornamental trees that are more brilliant colors like these along our waterfront park. That is a dinner cruise ship, an institution here.

I managed to get all the way home, it is about a four mile walk, without getting more than drizzled on even though it is wet wet wet here. Don’t tell anyone but our rainfall is actually trending just a bit below average.

So even though it is wet it is not pouring drenching wet and it is possible if geared up right to be out in it comfortably. There is a high wind warning tomorrow though so like everyone else we will probably get all our rain at once. In the meantime I had another lovely walk to the grocery this morning and braved a bus ride back. It was blissfully uneventful.

There is this fundamentalist Christian church across the street from where I live and I just saw a family get out of a minivan to go over for the Sunday service and what looked like the young mother was wearing a big t-shirt, flip flops and I kid you not, pajama bottoms. We sure are a lot less formal than we used to be.

I wonder what she would think of the ladies that used to live here that walked home from the market instead of taking the streetcar because it was just not done to be seen bringing a live chicken home on public transportation.

My weight was up just a tad yesterday at the meeting and that is not the direction I was intending. Sigh.

Today I bought two lovely small plates (I only eat on regular sized plates when I have company) and made a list to hang on my refrigerator of the tools I have available. You would think eating gluten free and walking as much as I do…

Here is why this is a big deal. For years I exercised a lot and ate super healthy and continued to gain weight. I truly believed that I had one of those bodies that is just destined to be big. I thought it was all hopeless.

But then I went to Weight Watchers and I took all the “extra” weight off and for the first time since I was maybe 19 I felt like my body and my mind were in agreement, happy all around. I still remember crying when I made lifetime viscerally feeling the joy in my body.

And then in spite of my best intentions and continued attendance at meetings I started to gain this time last year. It is not the amount I have gained, (which is basically statistically insignificant), it is the fact that I once again feel hopeless.

It is like tipping into a sand trap that one never thought they would see again. And I am older.

Based on all the current science I understand that maintaining a weight loss is even more difficult than losing the weight in the first place and particularly so as one ages. I get that.

But I am like a bulldog once I get an idea in mind. At work we have been trying to collect on a past due invoice from the only hospital on the island of Aruba and for weeks no one has returned our calls or responded to emails or the hard copies we mailed.

Both Saint Joe and I were ready Friday to see if we could expense a trip to collect in person but before that I tried one more thing… and ta da! A response. We should get the money next week. And I know a lot more about Aruba then I did before. :)

So here we go… Here are my tools…

Track everything I eat honestly
Eat at least 5 servings of fruit and or vegetables a day
Get enough sleep
Write privately about my feelings
Weigh my food
Hit my activity goals everyday (I did today!)
Relax fully and deeply

And then if that doesn’t work…start taking pictures of everything I eat, recruit an Accountability Partner and add a new activity like swimming or bike riding into the mix.

I know that I am healthy and that I am fit (my Fitbit tells me my Cardio Fitness level is excellent for a woman my age) and that my cats and my students and most importantly my family love me the way I am but I am determined! I am grateful for all these gifts.

But still, I remain determined. So there. I am not giving up hope quite yet.

Last updated November 13, 2017