Dreams, Bitching, NoJoMo in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Saturday, knowing that my job is destroying me more and more rapidly; a friend made an honest offer. He could probably get me a job selling Washing Machines at Best Buy working for his dad. I appreciated the offer. Though, in ways I would never tell him, it hurt me so deeply. I worked at Best Buy after college. I had a Bachelor’s Degree and was selling TVs, answering to people with GEDs. Then I became a Supervisor. Then my department was eliminated. And I became a Warehouse Grunt. Individually being forced to work 60 hours a week because the company didn’t want to hire more staff. Every Saturday being required to unload shipment trucks by myself (so, yeah. A guy the company knows has Fibromyagia; being expected to move Ovens, Washers, Driers, Refrigerators… all by himself.) I put up with all of that so I could go to Law School. I go to law school… prosecute, defend, negotiate, do The Law… only to what? Go back to Best Buy?

And then last night, right before bed… because the idea of coming back to work fills me with such dread and sorrow; before I went to sleep I checked my computer programs. Looking for any jobs that I hadn’t already applied to that I might be remotely qualified for. And there it was. ONE job left. “Full Time Sales Associate: Footlocker.” I sold shoes for five years. That is the job I had in college. So the universe is saying, “Sucks that your job is an absolute hellhole. How far backwards would you like to go? Best Buy like after college; or Shoe Sales like right before that?”

So with all of that in my head… I fell asleep. And dreamt:

The house was in an uproar. I was looking everywhere for what things I needed to pack and what things I had already packed. I was going to be in Europe for two weeks, I needed to make sure everything was together. But as I’m packing I get a call from Chinese Boss. She can’t find several things she would like to have with her on the trip, so I need to drop what I’m doing and go collect them for her. I agree kindly on the phone; then when she hangs up, I throw the phone across the room, shattering it into a thousand pieces. “Sure, I say sarcastically… you’ve known about this trip for a month, told me two days ago but I need to drop what I’m doing to help YOU. Fuck!” I go to the bathroom, now taking pills for the anxiety and stress the job causes, and realize that I won’t have enough for the entire trip. And the pharmacy won’t give me an additional supply since they are only authorized to give Rx 5 days before the month ends. FUCK. So, I hop into my maroon Honda Civic and drive to Best Buy to pick up a Wii and some other bullshit electronics that Chinese Boss said we had to have for the trip. I get the Wii quickly and then a customer grabs me by the shoulder and starts giving me an earful about ignoring him. I turn to see that it is Former Governor and Current Ambassador to China Terry Branstad. I tell him, “I don’t work here, sir. I can direct you where to go, but I don’t work here.” He yells more and points at my shirt. It is my old Warehouse Best Buy Shirt that says “Best Buy: Warehouse Staff”. Thus… even if I were working, the customers would know that I’m a lug monkey and not a sales associate. I roll my eyes and make my way out the door. On my way out, someone brings me a cello in a hard case and says I left it there last time I was scheduled. So, loaded with this Cello and an arm full of shit for Chinese Boss; I look everywhere for my car. Can’t find it. I check every parking lot for a 3 mile radius… my car is not to be found. Then it starts raining.

That’s when I wake up. A great way to start the day. But it gets better. So… I’m in a rough mood as it is. All of my IRL attempts at something better have fallen through and I’m in that special place where I know I can’t stick around at this job past New Years but I know that having (1 Year, then 8 Months) as my only Lawyer Jobs on my resume will kill my prospects. But wanting to do The Right Thing, no matter how painful, I get in my car in order to be at work early. Why not? Apparently: NOT EARLY ENOUGH FOR CHINA! As I’m getting into my car, Chinese Boss texts me asking me for updates on a dozen Chinese Client Cases. Well, fuck, Chinese Boss. If any of these cases were things we could actually help people with; you wouldn’t need to ask for updates because I’d be on top of it. But when SO MANY of these fucking cases read like “Problem in State X with Resident of State X and Chinese National in State Y. Chinese National requests aid from Chinese Firm in State Y. Chinese Firm in State Y contracts for the case; then realizes they can’t do anything. Chinese Firm in State Y promises that Associate will solve the issues. All disappointment from Client is then shifted to Associate.” Fucking A.

Seriously… at another firm? Even if I was required to work as hard and/or sacrifice as many hours… at least the firm would be run by professionals and attorneys that might know what the fuck they are doing and (more importantly) make sure they (1) knew what the law was before taking cases and; (2) would make sure that the attorney being held responsible for the case COULD SPEAK THE CLIENT’S LANGUAGE! Thus, why I applied to a few other private firms in the area. Because even if they were the Dreaded Evil Super Firm that required employees to be at work at 8 and not leave until 7.... frankly, what would be the difference? I’d get better money, insurance, smarter bosses, and co-workers. Even the Classic Private Practice Nightmare Scenario sounds better than my present experience. So I’ve applied to those places, too! At least to the ones where I was qualified. Which, in itself is the fucking problem. So many of the jobs I see say one of three things (1) Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work or Accounting required; (2) Three to Five years of direct experience in Business Law or Family Law; (3) Six to Eight Years of Litigation Practice. So… yeah. EVEN JOBS WHERE I SHOULD BE CONSIDERED QUALIFIED… like City Attorneys or Assistant County Attorneys.... nope. Not qualified. I left an Assistant County Attorney job so why should they hire me?! I’m a bad investment. Mother. Fucker.

So… yeah. If you are in the Des Moines Area next year, and you see a forlorn looking Burger King employee named Chris… ask him if he was ever an attorney. It might just be me!

Contrast that with my friends and acquaintances. I have a friend who graduated from law school a year before I did. She works for a judge. She is allowed to work from home one or two days a week. She gets a regular schedule, no weekends or holidays, $45k and health benefits. I have a friend who graduated from College a few years after I did. Worked at Best Buy with me. While I was in Law School, he was getting work at a Medical Supply Help Desk. He now works from home two days a week (where he plays video games and reads in between phone calls): receives an hourly salary (not just “paid per phone call”) makes $43k a year and has full health benefits. Of course, neither of them can get me a job where they work. And I’m not even upset by that. I’m not upset that my network can’t help me. Yeah, it hurts. It hurts that I have friends connected all over the state and in varying businesses from Law to Insurance to Banking to Investments to HVAC to Construction. Friends and network opportunities of every stripe. But to all of them… I am unemployable. I don’t have an HVAC certification; I’m not physically able to work a Concrete Manufacturing job, I don’t have an accounting degree or a degree in finance, and there are no open jobs for someone with piss poor experience (which is apparently what I have).

So… here I stay. In a job where I received a client phone call in the middle of the night on Saturday. In a job where I don’t speak Chinese but apparently, that is my problem. In a job where my bosses set me up to be the fall guy as often as possible. In a job where, if I had a medical emergency, I would be fired. In a job where I should be thankful at $30k a year and no health insurance; and have zero complaints about being required to drive around the entire state at a moment’s notice or to give up an entire 24 hour period without pay because someone from the firm needs to attend a Special Chinese Event 3 hours out of town. The feeling on my heart… this… severe emotional weight… this oppressive feeling crushing my heart… I suppose that is just going to have to be My New Normal.

One thing that does worry me? I love my wife. And I understand that she is in a tough spot now. And I get that she feels about her job the way I do about mine. But there is a growing part of me that wants to disrespect that to an extreme. She gets to sleep in no matter when she works. No matter how early she works, she gets to wake up after I do to go into work. She gets to be around people. No matter how ignorant, arrogant, or poorly mannered… every single day she gets to interact with more people than I do no matter what is going on for either of us. She gets paid for being at her job. No matter what is going on; busy or slow, bosses present or no bosses present… if she is required to be at her job, she gets paid. And… even with some of the horrid bullshit Wal Mart Insurance is rolling out for FY 2018… she gets health insurance for her and her spouse. Yeah, she isn’t using her College Degree in Art. Yeah, she deals with some VERY rude and unintelligent people. Yeah, it can suck to have a constantly shifting schedule. All of that is accurate. But her situation seems… much easier to deal with, all things considered.

NOJOMO 6

Are you “with the times”, or have you hit your limit and find yourself sticking to your age when it comes to music, movies, politics, etc?
Answer is a little bit of both. Since I am a Comic Book Dork and a Nerd; this is “my time” in Pop Culture in many ways. But at the same time… fuck Big Bang Theory, fuck Zack Snyder’s DC Universe, and fuck JJ Abrams Star Treks. And fuck George Lucas and the Walt Disney Corporation for undoing Bantam Publishing’s awesome Star Wars EU. So ultimately… maybe I am a little “stuck in my age” in a lot of ways after all.