Cut Off in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

(This entry was from a few nights ago and I got cut off half way through when I lost internet connection. I didn’t know this site was going to save it. So I am going to publish this and then write another entry.)

Saturday night I just drank by myself and contemplated the death of my grandpa. I only drank a 40 of Mickey’s and a half bottle of cab…but I ended up throwing up the next morning.
Did I already write about this? I feel like I have?
I can’t tell?
I’ve been laying off the drinking since then, in the sense that I haven’t been drinking alone really. I mean, I’m having a glass of wine right now after having a few grenades with a buddy of mine…but I didn’t start the night drinking alone and I didn’t start drinking until after I ate something, and it was like 10 pm. It’s 12:25 am now.

I know why I focus so much of my time and energy thinking about drinking…it’s because I’m an alcoholic. I’m addicted to a lot of things, but I feel like in dissecting it like this I can come to better grips with what’s going on. I’m writing all of this for me, really…but publicly…why am I doing it publicly?

Because I’m alone?

That seems like the most logical explanation, I suppose.
I am lonely…but I am not alone.

I went on a great walk with a friend of mine tonight, and we drank a few grenades and we smoked a fat joint and we just kind of walked around and talked about all of the possibilities that life has to offer…the “what if’s” and the “may be’s“.

Before that? I went to The Habit with my dad and then we came back and I did a bong and we watched Deadpool and we turned all the lights off so that no one would come to our house because we didn’t have any candy to pass out because FUCK THE WORLD!

Holy shit, I just got severe dejavu

(LOVE)