Looking Out in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Everything being said… I’m not doing myself any favors.

I keep cruising around on Zillow. Because… I want that life. I want that life where I own a house and invite people over. We were so close in Tiny Town. We had the house (shitty though it was, it was still better than the Shit Shack I lived in the first two months there and it was a house)… we had the high paying job with insurance (for what it was). Just… That was it. What a decision. Though, there were two ways of looking at that decision.
(1) You can have have your cake, but you can’t refrigerate it OR you can eat your cake, but the ingredients had “gone off” when it was made. (Suggesting, Tiny Town had the surface appeal of good stuff but the place was rotten OR Current situation is trying to get through something less than healthy).
The other way of looking at it
(2) We turned down Life in the Void to become The Void in Life.

I have to stop looking around on Zillow. When the City doesn’t call and the rest of the places send their rejections… it’ll just make it harder. And yes, I’ve been applying and trying. I tried banks and corporations and law firms and governments. Not all of them have responded… some may never… but all the responses have been negative. A BA in Religion and a Law Degree are not suitable educational requirements for (1) working at a bank; (2) working at a convenience store’s corporate offices; (3) working compliance in a hospital; (4) working mortgage and finance for an insurance company; (5) and yes… being a government attorney… I did get a no back from one of those applications already.

So… that’s where I am there. I’m not laying back and embracing my fate. I’m doing what I can and (like usual) it is getting me no where. It is funny and infuriating. My family has been in Des Moines since my Great Grandmother emigrated from Bermuda. We went from Britshy Islanders and Posh… to Posh Iowans. The generation after that was Posh White Collar. The generation after that Posh Blue Collar. And now there is me and my brother. My brother… running a successful Bio-Tech & Arts firm. Me… getting turned away from insurance companies and banks. What a world.