Abdication in Everyday Ramblings

stand down, step down, bow out, renounce the throne

It seems to me that this medium here on Prosebox, (in spite of its name) is better suited to shorter entries. So I will try that. Kind of sort of.

I do listen to you all and after reading your comments on my last entry I thought, well, maybe I am being overly emotional and self-involved and a bit of a princess and Mr. Fine China is being cautious and needs a gentle nudge and reassurance…

Nah. That is not it. He is choosing not to see me.

What is true though, is that I am being a princess. Interacting with unavailable him draws that out in me. And I have a whole lot of embedded princess to be brought out. I was raised on fairy tales in a way that made them very real to me and I have been struggling with shedding the romanticism I was indoctrinated into as an imaginative and poetic child my whole life.

Because I was experiencing Mr. Fine China as crazy making all those years ago I ended up doing the online dating thing to find someone else to focus my attention on. I found my Canadian Chemist. He was (is still I am sure) a great guy. Very generous and fun. But he was doing the same thing I was, he was in love with someone else and using me as distraction. I do have regrets about that relationship.

I was a total princess with him. A total and complete princess.

Mr. Finch cured me of that I thought.

Ha! Here she is again.

And we have some work to do. As her trusted advisor I believe it is time she ceded power over me, what I think about, choices I make, and how I spend my time.

Before I launch myself out onto the dating scene again I need to have an agreement with her that this is something we are doing not just to satisfy capricious romantic whims but an opportunity to experience the deeply human social trait of heart centered connection that reflects something larger than ourselves.

Of course I could follow the evangelical path Mr. Fine China has laid out before me instead and stay all comfortable up on the shelf he has placed me on reading the materials he sent yesterday on “Space, Aliens, and Jesus Christ”. The topic of a lively Theology on Tap discussion group he went to Thursday night at the Lutheran Church he used to go to…

Life is stranger than fiction. Really and truly.