The Worst in Me in Everyday Ramblings

This is the center of the Portland State campus yesterday early evening on the way to class. My perception is that we are barreling through October at breakneck speed and headed smack into November, which is what I call the yellow month. Not my favorite at all.

If they keep building and taking down trees like they are doing on the campus in a few years there won’t be any evidence of fall other than drippy gloomy skies and a cooling trend.

In every way things seem to be on the move and changing.

Of course that is always true but sometimes what we apprehend is that this is truer now.

Next Thursday I get to head off once again for our semi-annual trek to the Oregon Coast for a cozy four day stay with Kes and Most Honorable (who because he is on sabbatical can come for the whole time, wonderful).

Both November and work bring out the worst in me. Before I started this job the only time I remember being in an environment that brought out the worst in me was a roommate situation when I was maybe 19 years old.

I was thinking this morning about the things I have trouble fully accepting about myself. I shy away from hearing my girlish voice or having my picture taken or the fact that sometimes I talk all in a rush and my volume goes up.

And I really do have issues with authority. :)

Of course the fact that the current ringleader of the evil empire at work has a sign prominently displayed on the outside of her cube that says “The Witch Is In!” doesn’t help.

It is certainly true.

And because of that I would like to be out, thank you very much.

And now that I am back teaching in the office it is all getting awkward again. Nimrod stopped by where I was yesterday working and said, “of course now they are asking if you could teach on Wednesdays too.”

I think he means the management team, who are fully represented at my class.

I have an idea…they could, umm, pay me more so that I don’t need to work overtime and could get more rest and then sure, adding another class in, no problem.

After he said it, I did admit to considering it until I was walking home tired and a bit blue after class last night watching all the suffering folks out and about.

Then I was like, no, really, even if teaching into this population is fun I have limits. I can’t work 9 hours, teach two classes, then walk over 5 miles and do all the prep and management involved in teaching twice a week for that demographic.

No can do.

My Wednesday students are asking if I can switch to Thursday after the New Year and I might be able to do it then. We’ll see what happens with the prospect of teaching at the retirement center.

It sounds like there is encouraging political news from New Zealand and certainly having more women speaking out about the gross manner in which they have been treated by predatory men helps lighten my mood a bit and I am also so very grateful not to have to consider evacuating my home nest this week.

There is so very much to be grateful for even in the midst of this incredibly difficult news climate. I hope when I am not in the place that brings out the worst in me, the best can be revealed and I can do something real and practical to encourage the change I desperately want to see in the world.

Last updated October 19, 2017