It Hasn't Even Been 48 Hours Yet in Out in the Open

Here’s the thing about K. There is one thing he does incredibly well, and that is hide from me. It doesn’t bother him to go days with out talking to me. Sometimes he’ll go a week. Doesn’t have any kind of affect on him at all. So, for all I know he hasn’t even read any of my “good bye texts” yet. For all I know he is just chilling at his house with his roommate Matt and having a great laugh about how he is fooling this American chick by making her believe he loves her. He may not even realize I have blocked him.
It’s actually ok that I don’t know though. If I did know that he was over there laughing about my pain, it’d just make my pain worse. I know that eventually it’s going to get easier for me. However, I am not going to lie; if I knew he was lying in bed so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed it’d make me feel better.
That brings me to my next point. He hasn’t even tried to contact me. No text messages. No emails. No phone calls. Sure, I told him not to. But, why doesn’t he want to? Why am I not worth fighting for?
Blah. I know that answer. It’s easy. It’s because he doesn’t feel that I am worth a fight. He doesn’t love me. He never did. It was all lies. Just like with C. They both got me to believe there was something there, only to crush all my hopes and dreams. The sick part is neither of them cared a bit about hurting me.
So, it hasn’t even been a full two days. I am feeling so sad and so depressed and I just can’t shake it. Moving on is so hard. The good news is, I have done it before. It did get easier. I actually got to a point that I didn’t think of him very often. I didn’t need him anymore. I’m going to get there again. It’s going to take months. Or maybe, because I’ve done this before it will be quicker.
I just want to unblock him and have him tell me he made a mistake and please take him back. My God I am pathetic. I must stay strong. If he truly wants me back he will find a way to come back with out me unblocking him. I know that.

Her