Goodbye Love in Out in the Open

I am grieving losing you. Inside my head I am repeatedly thinking about you. I can’t get you out of my mind. However, I know it’s going to get easier. I walked away from you before. It took 3 to 4 months before I could go a day or more with out a thought of you. I don’t know why I find you so addicting. I hate that I do. You are like a drug to me in every way. You’re addictive. You make me feel high… and when you I don’t have you I crash and feel lost and depressed.
I thought this time would be different. I thought we would make it. I thought you felt love for me like I did for you. However, you would ignore me over and over. Leaving me lost and confused. It became so normal to me that I actually started accepting it as ok. However, it never was. And then you promised me it wouldn’t happen again. It wasn’t even 24 hours before you stopped answering my texts, even though you promised to. It was then I knew. It had to be over. I can’t keep letting you hurt me.
You’ve been in my life at least 15 years. It means so little to you. I assume you’ll come back. You always do. And because you are like a drug to me I am sure I’ll want to welcome you back. I pray I don’t. I can’t stand feeling this way.
I slept all day yesterday and today. I’m broken right now. This all happened at the worst time. My daughter’s 9th birthday and I can’t even focus on it because my head is swamped with sadness and hate.
I blocked you from WhatsApp. I told you that I did. I also informed you that if you ever come near me I will call the police. It’s over. I hate you so much for everything you did. All your empty promises. All your lies. I even told C that you and I are done. He didn’t say much but he said enough. He was the first one that was onto you before even I was. I am so trusting.
I will admit, I pray you contact me again. I am grieving like any normal person would. I remember last time it took you about a year before you contacted me. I had finally let go of you then and I remember hating you. I had absolutely no attraction to you anymore.
I hope I can get there again.

Her