Oooof course in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Lots of things to start the day off… but lets jump straight into my favorite....
Last night, as every night, just before I left work I saved my billing form. I hit the little button that looks like an old Floppy Disc and said save. During the night, as occasionally happens, my computer rebooted itself for an update. Come in this morning and… all of my October 12th hours have vanished. Gone. The recovery content said “Reverted back to version saved by user on 10/12/2017 at 10:39 am.” So… not like I don’t get screwed out of my pay enough as it is. The computer has to ONCE AGAIN invalidate my hard work. Have I mentioned before that I could really use a job with a salary and health insurance yet? lol… brother.

As far as actual work today? It should be… an interesting day. Interesting because… well… again… nobody is expected to be here. Chinese Boss and White Boss went to Iowa City today. So I don’t have them here to babysit me. But, and I realized this after talking with my mom, there is something I should mention after that sentence. My bosses treat me with the expectation that I am corrupt. That is why they check on me constantly, it is why they assumed I had left early at the Iowa City event when I wasn’t in the background of other people’s photos, it is why whenever the books don’t balance they infer it was me. They assume I’m corrupt. Even though my integrity is very important to me. Even though my ethics are very important to me. Even though my work ethic is very important to me. They didn’t “Give me a chance and see how I worked out” they went straight to “This guy is probably a piece of shit, lets see if he proves us wrong.” And as my mom said… people who start out assuming that others are corrupt, often do so because their first instincts are towards corruption. Which certainly makes sense. Hell… the reason I never wanted to “hang my own shingle” was that I was worried about the Ethical Ramifications of taking on clients whose problems exceeded my ability or knowledge. That is what my bosses do CONSTANTLY. Hell, they hold themselves out to be an Immigration Firm and guess what I learned this week! They needed to do 2 weeks of research and ask 4 other Immigration Lawyers about how to do a Contested Removal of Criminal Alien. You’ve been in business for three years… expressly holding yourselves out to be IMMIGRATION attorneys… and you’ve never done a Contested Removal of Criminal Alien before? You don’t have the first idea of what to do? If I am the associate, why am I the one teaching you how to do this?! So… yes. Ever increasing and more persistent reasons why I need to G the fuck O. That is a thing I used to say. When I was working at Best Buy, all the employees I supervised were often told expressly (by me and other supervisors managers) to keep language Family Friendly on the sales floor and all that. So they started using MMO Text Speak a lot. Closing time would be met with hails of “Time to GTFO!” So, in my personal time, I would start saying “G the fuck O”. A little aside there.

Anyway… I have been at the office now for a full hour and a half and here’s how the “Attendance” looks. TOTAL POSSIBLE PEOPLE: 6 Attorneys Possible, 4 Assistants Possible.
When I got here, as is not usually the case, Assistant 1 was already here. She is bright, intelligent, reliable… so obviously not the assistant for OUR firm. She works for another firm that shares office space but (as she is so skilled) she gets her own office at the end of the hall. Door always shut, she’s usually watching Family Guy while doing her work. I kid you not. MUCH to my surprise, that firm had another staffer in today. Because they are SMART, they have a part-time accountant who comes in two or three times a month to check the books and do full day audits of the banking records. She was here today when I got in. She isn’t… exactly friendly. She sits in a corner room taking personal calls all day while pouring over spreadsheets. That was it. For an hour. Then Chinese Assistant comes in. Strikes up a conversation. Wants to know if there is anything we need to do today. Because frankly, neither of us have received much oversight or instruction. So… we’re both just… here because we’re required to be. After he arrived, one of the Attorneys arrived. A nice lady, she is a Solo Practitioner who usually works from home… only reason she ever comes into the office is if she needs to meet a client. And that is it. At about 10:00 in the morning… out of a grand total of 10 People possible to be in these offices spaces… we have 5. And for the first time (despite it being what should be expected) the Assistants outnumber the Attorneys. Though, I can’t blame the other firms. Our firm is the reason that number is broken. The 2 person firm has 1 Assistant, 1 Part Time Accountant, and 1 Office. The Solo Practitioner has 0 Assistants, 1 Office. My firm? 2 Senior Partners, 1 Associate Attorney, 1 full time Assistant, 1 Part time assistant, and three offices! Just… not the brightest move. So… while I still have zero nada NIL faith that I’ll get the Assistant City Attorney job… I still hope passionately. And strongly. But if I don’t get it? I will spend my Senior Partners’ month in China trying to see what my options are. I think it will be funny, too. They will go to China. I will get a (long over due) Hair Cut… and likely shave my face (people say I look better with facial hair, but I can never seem to grow PROPER facial hair). SO they will come back, I’ll look different, and (hopefully, seriously, God… c’mon… please) I’ll have better news for my future.

In other news…

I started the process of moving in to my Parents’ last night. They are on vacation and needed someone to house sit and watch the dog so I volunteered enthusiastically. Wife will join me (off and on, more on than off) but felt that a complete shift to their place when we only live 20 minutes away was a bit weird. As for me? HOUSE. And DOG. So, yeah, I’m in. It is the funniest thing, though. I had… an interesting dream. That was clearly inspired by the surroundings. But… I wonder if there is a deeper meaning to it as well.

This is one of those rare dreams for me where the majority of the beginning and ending details don’t matter and it includes a strange Logic Skip but… follow if you wish:

I was waking up in my parents’ house. It was a lazy Saturday kind of day and I felt like I was in my mid-twenties again. I awoke with a deep sense of sexual gratification. I somehow knew that I had greatly enjoyed my previous evening; but (unlike in the real world) I didn’t have the least bit of an “after drinking” feeling in the morning. For the first time in years (even if only in a dream)… I awoke feeling sexually gratified without feeling like it was thanks to alcohol. I went downstairs, made some eggs and toast, and then I heard someone else walking down the stairs. I heard the voice before I saw the person… it was my old ex. The scary one. She was in a black and red nighty, looking very snuggly. She smiled at me and, instead of terror, I smiled back. She crept up to me and slid her arms around me, kissing me playfully on the neck. She thanked me for last night and credited our “sessions” with her successful weight loss. I complimented her weight loss, telling her it looked like she had lost at least 30 pounds. She winked, turned on her heels (at which time I first realize she is wearing high heels) and I watched her ass bounce as she gigglingly said, “Want to make it 40?”

The dream didn’t end there; but that part of it did. I chased her upstairs and then the whole thing shifted to a large opulent house where I was packing a lot of stuff for a trip. My cousin (the one that just got married) was there with me and we were trying to get our tuxedos in order. We talked about how it had been so good to spend some extra time together this year and how it was so wonderful that everyone in the family was so healthy. Then my mom started shouting that we needed to hurry or we’d miss the plane. But I could NOT find a plain white button up to go with the tuxedo. I was freaking out. Ultimately, I grabbed a Gray and Black stripped button up to wear with the tuxedo but I knew it wasn’t appropriate. THAT is where the dream ended.

I have no idea what the dream/dreams actually mean. I can certainly make some assumptions, basic assumptions. Being back in my parents house and having not had sex in many weeks turned my mind to the last person with whom I engaged in sexual activity with inside of that house which would be my Senior Year girlfriend. The packing and rushing is because I had to pack stuff up to go to my parents and it was still on my mind. That is the simple and basic explanation.

ON THE OTHER HAND… if I wanted to suggest deeper meanings, I could certainly create some hypotheticals.
(1) Perhaps, my dream of Ex G/F is to represent the fact that I stay in things far too long with the hopes that somehow, magically, by some miracle… it’ll all work out in the end anyway.
(2) Perhaps, my dream of Ex G/F is to represent the fact that, even if something is the worst you’ve ever experienced, there may be significant pay offs in the end.
(3) Perhaps the fact that a dream about Ex G/F was tied to a dream about packing and traveling means that I won’t find any happiness until I untether myself from those things which aren’t helping me.
(4) Perhaps the fact that a dream about Ex G/F was tied to a dream about The San Fran Wedding means that relationships and family matter to me so much more than anything else; that I shouldn’t be afraid to leave something that interferes with that, no matter the outcome.

I could go on hypothesizing but I won’t. What I will do… is move folders around on my desk… try to figure out why no prosecutors are returning my calls/e-mails… and keep imagining Ex G/F in that nighty!