Realistic Macabre - OctoPhoMo 11 & The Dark Truth in General Mental Anesthesia

OctoPhoMo: Coffin or Revolting

COFFIN

A prop I made for my business “Corpse Nation”. Currently (and unfortunately) the website is down due to my failing health.

REVOLTING

One of my hand made custom corpses used at red carpet event. He sat in the vip section during a horror themed production.

Some special effects I did for a zombie short film I wrote & directed for the Abyss Theatre. Yes, I made that intestine. And I wish I kept it because it probably works better than the one I have inside me!

Erryn (The owner of the Abyss Theatre & I having a light snack before a show). Yup, another intestine I made.

A close up of some of my corpse work. I like realism, Halloween should be for adults as well as children! :)

Speaking of my health, I’m just between a rock and a hard place or perhaps in an Iron Maiden makes more sense.

I’m so sick and in so much pain because of the ulcerative colitis that I’m basically bedridden. Sometimes I don’t even have 5 seconds to get to the bathroom.

The Prednisone has caused just as much as damage as the disease itself, yet it’s the only reason I’m still alive. Physically, the joint and muscular pain it’s causing is beyond bad esp considering my existing back injuries which this past week landed me back in the hospital and if you read my post from yesterday, the new Medication Naproxen is just tripling all of the above.

When I’m lying down, the pain lessens slightly in my pelvis / hip / right leg, but as the S1 disc is currently pinching the sciatic nerve, every little movement ends with me teary eyed and screaming. It just won’t relax! Over the past 4 1/2 years I’m used to this, but it never lasts more than 2 days and it’s never happened when my mid/upper back herniated disc is also spasming and because the hospital refused to give me an MRI I still don’t know why my right lung feels like it’s being compressed and causing me to cough and not get air in there. This has been 4 days now and counting.... it’s exhausting.

If I’m perfectly honest, I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow, but of course that wish won’t come true, because I can never get to sleep in the first place.... :(

I have to continually thank everyone for posting / reposting / sharing & of course donating to the HELP SAVE MY LIFE FUND put up by my friend Terri who lost her mom to ulcerative colitis. We’re not close to the goal (which would be remission) but we are only $400 away from me being able to make my 1st appointment with my Dr. (and homeopathist) in Florida.

I’ve dealt with a lot on my life (as we all do) but with so much going on at the same time and getting no relief whatsoever from anything after a 2 year period… 2 years of constant suffering that just worsens every day that you live… it’s getting to be too much for me. I don’t really know how to describe it, but you can kind of feel your heart weakening if that make sense. The strength inside of you, the life force doesn’t feel the same. The human body can only withstand so much.

I don’t know if it’s me talking or the meds or the illnesses or injuries or everything, I just don’t feel well. I’m so fucking tired I can’t even describe it and the only person that I know that can truly help me is so far away…

(sigh…) Surviving is not living.