Visions in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

One of the things the Bosses discussed yesterday was “Vision”.

White Boss wants to practice law, make money, and take care of his family.
Chinese Boss has a vision. She wants to be “the most successful Chinese Law Firm in Iowa.”
Except “successful” is vague, indefinite, and subjective. And unless she defines what that means for herself, for her husband, and for her firm… she’ll never be successful. Because if success isn’t defined, you never know if you have it. Is success “Most Clients” or “Most Profitable” or “Most Trusted?” If the answer to every clarifying question is “Yes” then… you’re setting yourself up for massive failure. Plus… can’t help but think… if you want to be the most successful Chinese Law Firm in Iowa… shouldn’t you explicitly and intentionally be hiring people who can speak Chinese? Otherwise… again… setting yourself up for massive failure.

What is my vision? What vision of the future am I aiming for?
JOB: I want to make $80,000 a year or more with full health benefits, paid sick/vacation/holidays, and some form of Retirement/401K/IPERS.
FAMILY: I want to have a healthy relationship with my wife where we openly love each other, show affection, emotionally support one another, and engage in physical acts of passion on a regular basis (in this case, regular basis means twice a month or so).
SOCIAL: I want to remain in a place where I have friends and/or family with whom I can visit occasionally (in this sense, occasionally means 2 to 3 times per month).

And that’s… pretty much all I want. Perhaps not ambitious. Perhaps not aggressive. But that’s what I want. But, like my life continues to prove, no matter what it is you want… it will remain out of reach. (exaggeration due to current emotional state).

I don’t know. Maybe my job desires are a bit “pie in the sky”. But at the same time? I’m an attorney. The average attorney salary in the US is $115k a year. The average yearly median salary for an attorney in Iowa is $88,260. 89% of County Attorney’s Offices in the state pay their staff $65k or more. So… yeah. Salary + Benefits + Vacation/Sick time doesn’t seem insane.

This sent Wife right over the edge last night. I was telling her about my assessment and how my bosses specifically called me out for (1) Typos, (2) Inattentiveness, (3) Tardiness, and (4) Missing too many days of work.
(1) Typos. Sometimes my work will have the the problem or something that is clearyl something that shows I was typing too fast or a birthdate will say 13/7/1945 instead of 7/13/1945. This infuriates my bosses. Counter: My bosses receive my work before the clients. Granted, my work should be quality… but if they are giving my work to clients in that state, they share some of the blame. Plus, and I can’t stress this enough these people didn’t sign their employee’s paychecks last month. A simple typo on a legal document… or a signature on a financial transaction?
(2) Inattentiveness. A few months ago, a Supreme Court Ruling came out that arguably affects DUI/OWI cases wherein a DataMaster test was used. White Boss asked me to draft and submit Suppression Motions based on that case for three of our OWI/DUI cases. I did so. Then I researched the cases more. One of the cases did not have a DataMaster Test. So I e-mailed the bosses and said that I would be filing a motion to withdraw that suppression since it was not applicable to the facts of the case. In Summary- White Boss tells me to do something, I do it, I discover that it should not have been done, I report this and correct the problem. This comes back on me at my assessment. Because I should be more attentive and known not to file that suppression motion.
(3) Tardiness. So… you know how I’m typically in the office a good 2 hours before my bosses? Well… a few weeks ago, Chinese Boss wanted me to give a speech at ISU. I left with 2 hours time to spare. I forgot that it was Move In Weekend for the school. So, despite having LOADS of time to spare, I arrived at the speaking event approximately 8 minutes late. Which was still 25 minutes before we were supposed to give our speech. This enraged Chinese Boss. Then, last week… I text my bosses that my plane landed late (12:30 a.m.) but I would still be in the office at 8:00. Chinese Boss says we will meet at 8:30. Then changes her mind and says she wants me to come to her house at 8:30. Then changes her mind and says she wants me to come to her house at 8. Of course, I’m in the office at 7:55 when I get these newer updates. I race to her place and… she is upset that I’m 30 minutes late. Despite the previously stated facts and despite the fact that after I left her place… she drove to the office… where I was… all morning. So… I was late driving to her house to have a meeting that could have been done in the office at any time. Those two “issues of tardiness” are what they came down on me about.
(4) I have missed too many days. This was a big deal to them. They said, several times, “In a lot of jobs, you don’t get sick days or vacation the entire first year.” First of all- that isn’t true. At least not in my experience. Even in retail employment, you earn hours of sick/vacation time… so that, while it is true you may not get “A week of vacation” just for signing up… you certainly can work a full week, then use an hour of sick/vacation accrued to go to a doctor’s appointment. Because that is what they were bitching about. The elements that they were most upset with? (A) Taking time off for Back Surgery; (B) Taking so much time off for Eye Appointments; (C) Taking time off for the Bachelor Party; (D) Taking time off for the Wedding. So they are upset that I… had to have back surgery? Got diagnosed with Glaucoma? Attended an event I told them was required of me or I would not be able to take the job? What the fuck? Their defense was, “We get it as people. As Me and Her, we understand. But as lawyers, as your bosses, we do not care. You need to be here, you need to be working. Nobody gets leave in the first year anywhere. So you need to understand that.”

Frankly… and this is shitty… it makes me want to quit whether I get the Government Job or not. Because seriously.... seriously… I could go be a Seasonal Sales Specialist at Party City until January and be happier and treated better.

But then… that doesn’t conform with my vision. And I get stuck. Because I do want, and believe I deserve, a job that pays the bills… but is it this one? Does working 60 hour weeks for less than $3,000 a month with NO health benefits qualify as “paying the bills?” Because I would argue that it does not.

What I can’t tell my bosses… what I probably should tell my bosses....
I’d be here, I’d be more attentive, I’d make less mistakes, and I’d be your ideal employee… if I felt that this could honestly help me with my vision. But even White Boss complains that the Chinese have no sense of Work/Life Balance. Every person I’ve ever met that has spent more than a few years in China complain about how brutally cheap the Chinese are. Every person I know that has ever worked for a Chinese person has stated “The expectations are inhuman.”

I should. I really should turn in my notice whether I get the job or not. But… I just can’t quite get past how unfair that would be to my Wife. She’s been our only source of income and our only source of insurance for all but 1 year of our marriage.

Bah, now I feel split about all of this.