Yeeeeah in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Great (sarcasm).

Now I’m obsessing. There is a reason I try to stick through with things… keeping your head down and following through on what is expected of you comes with a lot less emotional issues and considerably less self-doubt. Or at least, that is what I thought. But in this case? I’m already experiencing LOADS of self-doubt. And to be honest? Yes…my wife has issues. Yes… she does need to learn how to be supportive, caring, etcetera. But… I think that issue or my issues with that have been made worse by my personal job struggles. I suppose, that’s obvious. How could that not be the case? When you are up before 7 working a job that doesn’t let you go home until 6, expects you to work weekends unpaid, and pays you an annual salary akin to a Receptionist at a Dentist’s Office.... yeah, home troubles are going to be amplified.

So… I have every reason to apply for this other job. And worst case scenario? I don’t get the job. I’m still employed. I’m still working. So… I think I have to apply for this job.

But that doesn’t calm me down any. Making that decision.
Because the worst that can happen isn’t not getting the job… the worst that can happen is it is discovered I applied for a different job… my bosses are furious. I don’t get the job. And there’s hell to pay for trying. Or I do get the job and my bosses are so mad that they destroy my name, professionally. Or I get the job and it turns out to be worse than this job. Or… yeah. My brain is hitting overdrive on this.

BUT… God looks out, I suppose. As I am struggling with all of this.... Chinese Boss comes in. Asks me about $800. Excuse me? Yes, I do remember that client. He did give me $800. I did immediately get it to you. You can’t find it? You want me to go back through my things to make sure I gave it to you? (Internally, I’m thinking… you’re basically accusing me of embezzling at this point. So… not happy that your disorganization is now influencing you to think I may have kept $800 of the firm’s money.)

Yeah. Have to check the Non Compete Clause… then keep my fingers crossed!

Seriously… just waking to my car I was going over interview questions (I haven’t even applied yet!) Things that might be hurdles? “It says here you were a prosecutor for a year, then with a private firm for only 6 months. How do I know you’ll stick around?” To which my best answer yet would be: Working for the government was good work, it is what I wanted to do. But my wife wanted to be back here closer to my family. I took the private job as a way to get here. But private doesn’t feel right. I went to law school to be a government attorney, that’s what I want to do.

And seriously… this thing is all I can think about right now. lol. I’m still putting in work for my clients… and getting zero pay or pleasure from it… but in the back of my mind is a little man dancing singing “There’s a chance. There’s a chance. So you’re saying there’s a chance.”