Introspective Interjection in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

On my long ass drive to a required 9 hour UNPAID work event, I had time to think. What I thought: Before the age of 18, I was an award-winning published poet, multiple award winning musician, and highly decorated actor. I wanted to win an MTV movie award, I wanted to go on Bill Maher, I wanted to have a song parodied by Wierd Al Yankovic, I wanted to have a house I was proud of and a family I loved and spent time with.

As I aged, developed health issues, and began taking a medication that changed me in some fundamental ways… What I wanted changed.
I wanted to be good at my job, I wanted to make $50 to $100 thousand a year, and I wanted to be able to spend nights and weekends with family and friends.

Now at 33… I make $30k doing a job where, at my assessment on Tuesday the best I can say is “I don’t think I fit in here.” I spend nights and weekends often doing UNPAID work that I am told is a requirement. And, per my CLE this week, I am better than ever at what I am good at… but what I am good at is not the kind of work my bosses want me to do.

Ultimately, and I hate to say this, but I have to lay this at Wife’s feet. Not in an “I blame you” way but in a “Pleeeaaase get your shit figured out” kind of way. Because… honestly? Omaha. She didn’t think she could figure shit out there, so we left. Tiny Town. There was ZERO chance of figuring anything out there. DM Metro… where she has been asking/begging to return to for 6 years… our entire marriage (literally)… I cannot and will not simply pick up and move to try another job. I have been doing that, more or less, for our entire marriage. So, I have to stick this current job out… at least until something local comes available OR wife gets her shit figured out. I just… really need her to embrace the need. THE TIME IS NOW AND THE NEED IS GREAT.