Shit went down. in Since OD is shutting down....

Ok so that girl that was watching my kid 3 nights a week turned into a completely POS. The first issue was her smoking inside her house while my daughter was there. I went to pick up my kid one night and her entire house smelled like weed and cigarette smoke. I decided to have some girl that I used to work with start watching her and didn’t say anything because you can’t exactly tell people what to do or not do in their own homes. Well she bugged and bugged and talked about how much she missed my kid and blah blah blah so I finally told her why I found someone else. She promised me that she would no longer be smoking in the house and all that jazz.

I give her another chance Wednesday night. Well, she text me Thursday and yesterday morning saying how she’d had some shit come up and wasn’t able to watch her, giving me a 6 hour notice to find another sitter. I’m super pissed because if I don’t have a sitter, I’m unable to work and provide for my child. I had been asking her for 2 fucking weeks about getting my stroller, swing, and bouncy chair back. Yesterday I asked her to just leave them outside at her house and I’d stop by and grab them. She decides to bring my stroller and chair but not the swing. Last night I tell her I need the swing or I’m going to have the cops meet me at her house to retrieve it.

Well, she tells me that she’d meet me at my house last night at 9:30 so I race to get off work and leave my kid with my sitter longer so she can drop it off. Well, the time comes and I text to see if she’s on her way. She then says I can wait until morning and she’s too tired to drive and yeah..I let her know I’m on my way to get it. I show up to get it so she sets it outside her door and slams the fucking door on my foot. Well, this bitch also has my bottle of Percocets as well so I fucking pound on her door screaming that I want my fucking pills. She freaks out when the door pops open and hurries up to shut and lock it. I am absolutely livid at this point.

I called the cops and told them she has my prescription pills and I want them back. The cop said he would try and see about getting them returned but I never heard back so yeah I won’t get them back. I always paid this bitch VERY WELL to watch my daughter and even bought her smokes and food too. She had NO FUCKING reason to keep my pills but did anyways. She took them and then told me she had them. Uh, okay well I want them back! I got them from the hospital after my C-section and could really use them now because I suffer from severe backaches now probably from the epidural and carrying baby in her car seat.

All i know is I’ve never been more ready to move out of this shithole town and start over somewhere else. I have zero support or help here and I’m constantly worried about not having a babysitter when I work. I’m sick of doing for people and just getting fucked for it. I honestly have never felt more alone in my entire life and sometimes I just get so angry about it. I don’t have anyone here to talk to or vent to. It really starts to get to me. I’m still waiting for things to get better but they aren’t. I have no reason to stay here and I’m going to start putting some serious thought in packing up and getting the fuck out of here.

I still don’t know if and when I’ll ever see any CS but I have to pay $100/week for care now. I can’t express how angry I am that I’m left to provide for my daughter all by myself. I don’t hear from my brother at all and my Mom will text every once in a while wanting baby pictures but that’s it. No one cares that I’m tired as fuck all the time and suffer from severe headaches, being lightheaded, and killer stomachaches. I haven’t had a break from my daughter once since she was born other than to go to work or a dr appointment. Being a single parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I just try and make the best out of my situation and pray that someday everything will make sense.

BD now has an active warrant for violating the PO and I’ve talked to the states attorney. They want me to write a letter about upping his bond and all that. Once he gets caught and sentenced, he’ll have to take domestic violence classes and everything. He’ll have a big fine to pay and there will be a no contact order put in place once he’s arrested. He messages my friend now about how much he misses me and how he just wants to see his little girl. I think he cares for that moment but he hasn’t done anything to prove wanting to be a Dad. I have also modified the PO but asking to add my daughter and we have court in a couple of weeks. It may get continued though if they can’t find him to serve him but I’m going to ask for supervised visitation because I don’t want to deal with him directly and I feel that it’s in the best interest of my child.

I feel that he’s a physical and mental threat to us both and needs to get serious help. I know that even if it’s decided he gets supervised visitation, I’m still not going to be extremely comfortable with it because I worry about him ‘accidently’ dropping her or something but it’s not up to me, it’s up the the judge. I definitely see him granting it though because there’s already a PO and he’s violated it.

Anyways, I’ve only had about 5 hours of sleep so I’m gonna lay down before I gotta get diaper bag packed and everything.