My first experience using DMT. in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I say this is my first experience with DMT, because I plan on using it at least a few more times in the hopes of navigating the spaces a little more thoroughly.

I will do my best here, to explain the things that I experienced in a linear fashion, although this experience took place outside of the dimension of time as we understand it.

We drove down to the beach at about eleven O’clock PM. The moon was small but shining brightly enough that you could catch a glimpse of her on the crest of every wave that broke along the shore, it was truly a beautiful and peaceful set and setting, although maybe a little crowded with young lovers and adventurers all taking their time to marvel at the natural beauty that is the ocean.

I was feeling incredibly nervous…an excited nervous, but still my nerves were at such high alert that I was getting butterflies in my stomach to the point that I thought I was going to shit my pants…I had heard many stories about DMT, and I have been researching it for several years now, so I “knew” (as well as you can) what I was about to be getting into, and part of me was screaming that maybe this was a bad idea, as the majority of me was screaming that we’ve been waiting over a decade for this so let’s just get on with it already!

I ended up meditating for what seemed like forever, but was probably only five minutes…I was meditating on exactly what I wanted out of this experience…I wanted to confirm my beliefs about reincarnation and the afterlife, and I was hoping to maybe gain some insight on the subject…little did I know, I was about to get exactly what I was asking for.

The pipe was loaded for me, handed to me, and I was told to inhale as deeply as I can and hold it for as long as I could, so I took a hit and was able to smoke the entire contents of the pipe, holding it deeply within my lungs, and laying back to stare at the sky.

Suddenly, a deep hum began to sound, but it was not coming from outside of me, the sound was actually coming from within me. For a reference on what this sound was like, you can youtube Tibetan Throat Singing…it was that exact sound but infinite and very quickly grew louder and louder until it was the only thing I could hear…until the fabric of my reality quickly and completely blew apart.

I exploded, and once I did I blasted off at the speed of light, through every conceivable layer of reality. What I saw it hard to explain because there are not words or concepts for it, but I will try my best…thousands of brightly neon glowing geometric patterns, like layers making up the fabric of reality, began to blow past me…or maybe I was flying through them, it was impossible to tell at the speed I was going…but eventually I came to an object that I instantly recognized from my research into DMT, and I have come to know this object as “The Picture Puzzle Pattern Door”, for lack of a better term, this perfectly explains this final tunnel that I flew through…it was the edges of humanity, the last final fringes of anything that resembled what I understand myself to be.

At some point an insanely brilliant white light was watching me, and I was aware that it was sentient and observing me, not guiding me, not communicating with me, just observing me. I knew instantly that this light was intelligent and I tried to speak to it but my “words” were merely the scrambled sounds of an idea, and the most amazing part about them was that I could actually see my “words” escape my lips and flow through this time space the way water flows in zero gravity.

I wondered if I was dead…in fact, I was POSITIVE that I had died, however I could not remember what death was, and as I tried to define death to myself as the opposite of…the opposite of what? I couldn’t remember the concept of life at this point…I was existing somewhere outside of both death and life, and at this point I got scared, I suddenly felt extremely alone and I was missing everyone in my life that I had ever loved…except I couldn’t remember who anyone was, I had no concept for what a person was.

Two being made of light, or energy, or something, now appeared to me and I had a brief moment when I thought that I had possibly been abducted by aliens, and then in a truly strange moment of sober and rational thinking I remember having the thought, “Why would smoking something cause me to become abducted by aliens.” and I wasn’t sure if it was my own thought or a question proposed by the beings that were now examining me thoroughly, but my fear did no subside.

At this point I realized that I wasn’t watching a movie and I wasn’t strapped into some sort of ride, I realized that this was actually happening to me and that I had a certain amount of control over what was happening, so I reached out to the beings and I told them I wanted to go back. Their reply was essentially “Go back to what?” (and remember, there are no words used during this, it is all telepathic, so it’s kind of difficult to accurately describe conversing with these beings) and I wanted to say “I want to go back to the beach! I want to go back to the people I care about!” But I had no concept of what the beach was, and I had no concept of humanity…and so they showed me a vision of the beach, and I saw my body and the people I was there with, and suddenly at the speed of light I was able to sit up and reach out to them.

My eyes opened and I saw the people I was with, but we were no longer at the beach, we were sitting on the edge of a brightly glowing star and the people I was with were no longer there, they were someone else entirely, they were no longer human or anything I recognized as human and the sight of the burning star and these alien creatures was too much for me to take in so I quickly lay back down and closed my eyes, only to be instantly transported again to a place of complete and total darkness.

That’s when water began to fall on me, it came in a drizzle at first, and then more and more until finally there was a waterfall falling on me, consuming me, and I was becoming the water. My entire body was flowing water and suddenly I was completely submerged, and I felt a great sense of comfort and peace as I floated gently inside of this womb I was in.

It became apparent that there were walls around me and the walls were made of muscle…I was in a womb and I could see it from the inside as the cervix began to push me out, I could see light began to fill my space as I was being born again.

As I was birthed, it was almost like being flushed down the tubes of a water park slide, I was floating down a river of sorts and I was inside of a tunnel with transparent walls, and outside of these walls was some sort of majestic jungle land filled with million of brightly glowing golden “people” for lack of a better word…these beings were closer to people than anything I had seen so far on this journey.

I noticed some of the younger ones were pressed up against the tunnel walls, watching me as I floated down this river, and as part of me was startled, I begin to feel the love that they had for me. I began to hear the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my entire life…an inhuman part harmony that was ebbing and flowing with the beauty of every sunset you’ve ever seen all wrapped into one, and even though words were not used, I could hear them laughing and cheering as I was coming. They were cheering me on! “He’s coming! He’s coming!” the psychically and joyously exuded.

And then I was blasted back into my body.

I opened my eyes and I could see a massive dome around everything, and there were rainbow circuits composing the material world that we live in, the circuits were everywhere. Still laying down I looked to my left and saw the city lights along the coast, but there was another city superimposed over it…a glorious city with high towers and spire, beautiful buildings and thousands of lights, I could see both cities simultaneously, I could see the people walking along the beach and I could see other beings walking along the beach, tall fluid formed figures, expressionless and dark, walking along the beach with lanterns right next to actual humans! I could see it all.

I was finally able to sit up and as the waves crashed down they sent the most vibrant echoes of rainbows out and over the sand, racing up towards me and washing over me…as if to show me that every single thing is connected somehow.

The rainbows and the dome slowly faded away as if they were nothing more than a dream I was peacefully waking up from. My friends asked me if I was okay…I slowly nodded…and then they asked me if it was good.

“I don’t know if I’d call it ‘good’.”, I said, “But it was definitely important…it was scary and difficult.” and I tried my best to recount what I had seen, and they smiled and laughed and reassured me that the next time would be easier, that the first time is always the hardest.

And then we drove back, and I felt as though I had been reborn.

I learned on this epic adventure that my body is Bipolar-1 but I am not my body and I am not bipolar-1, I do not have to be confined or defined by my body…

…I learned I don’t want to die like I thought I did. Since Saturday night I haven’t had any thoughts of suicide or even wanting to die…I know now what death holds for me, and I know that as long as there are this many people on the planet that I hold love for, I will not be ready to leave them.

Experiencing DMT was the singular most important experience of my life and I can’t wait to navigate the space more.

However, if I never get the opportunity to experience it again, that will be okay too. Everything is okay, I will cherish that moment that seemed to last an infinite amount of time in the blink of an eye, for the rest of my earthly existence…and I hope that in my next life I remember some of it and am able to take it with me into a new adventure.

• Dane.