Not Bloody Sorry in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

My wife decided today to deride my personal career woes. Considering she is a woman who is near suicidal about a career she has had for fifteen fucking years; I think it a bit inappropriate for her to be so rude.

I know I have lost a lot of readers of late, and that makes me sad, but I still have words I need to share so share them I will!

So, my wife has been non-stop hateful of her life and her job for… well… a long time.

And here I am… in a position that also isn’t great. So… while she has a 4 hour shift tomorrow that she is dreading… I have a 12 hour day of less than 8 hour billable. So… gosh. 4 hours of a job that someone with a HS diploma could do versus a shitty 12 hour job where I’m not even paid for my time? Is it so wrong to ALSO have issues?

But Wife gets upset that I have issues with my job. So her words?

HER EXACT WORDS: “I don’t feel bad for you because this is the career you chose.”

So… the slowly self-destroying career you have chosen and stayed with for longer than we’ve been together.... that isn’t the career you chose? Or do you get to be salty and I’m not allowed?

So… ultimately… I was honest with her. And here is the honesty.

I went to law school TO BE A PROSECUTOR.

When I was a junior in college and decided to go to law school, I informed my friends that I wanted to go to law school to be a PROSECUTOR. During law school, it was known that I wanted to be a prosecutor!

So… I got my law degree. I passed the bar exam. I became a prosecutor. I did what I set out to do. And as painful… as difficult as it was… I know myself. I would have done that job forever. I would have. I would have been a prosecutor for a corrupt, terrible little hell hole of a city for my entire life. But Wife demanded something more. Wife demanded something better. And dammit… it made sense. Why spend my life working for a shitty miniature community that was trying to die? I mean… yeah, I was a prosecutor and yeah I was making enough money to feel comfortable… but corrupt? Isolated? Fucked up? All accurate. So, fuck it. I was able to follow my passions/dreams and it didn’t work out. Wife has been fucking miserable since we got married… maybe getting her to where she wanted to be would help.

Meanwhile? I’m working a job that is… well… emotionally tough. And Wife is still miserable. And her reaction to me being miserable? Is to call me out. To say “You chose this career.” Well, Wife.... no, I didn’t. The career I chose… was a well paid prosecutor in a shitty backwards town with no friends or family. Maybe not ideal… maybe really shitty… but it gave us the opportunity to (1) have a house; (2) have a good income; (3) have insurance; (4) be a better couple; (5) gave me free time.

So that is my current immediate.... issue. I’m exhausted and unhappy in a job that demands all of my time and pays me nothing. Wife is exhausted and suicidal in a job that demands (at most) 40 hours of her life, pays her well, and provides insurance. Wife is jumping down my throat because I’m unhappy.

Feels like bullshit.