The Illusion of Control in All of Me

I sometimes believe I am in control, but I remember I’m not. My moods are all over. I wonder if maybe I am not supposed to be in control.

I have been doing well. I have been eating well. I have been cleaning. I have been grocery shopping. I have been drinking water. I haven’t been going out or spending exorbitantly. I have been working out. I just can’t control it completely, and maybe that is ok.

I did feel feminine today, for a second, for the first time in awhile. I felt pretty for the first time in awhile. I don’t mean I thought myself to be pretty. There are actually several times when I look in the mirror or take a picture and find myself to look pretty. I mean, I felt pretty. That is something else entirely.

I guess I should explain that I have not been able to talk to men in awhile, except in professional settings(or when I’m intoxicated). I conversed with this handsome police officer today( at work) but I felt like we were both flirtatious. It was a good feeling.

That’s all for now.