Saturday Morning in New Diary

Well Friday morning went ok up to a point. I was up early last night. I took an anxiety pill. I made it to the bank and Wal Mart. I I was doing ok in Wal Mart. Then I ran into this couple who used to live in OT. The husband used to make obscene phone calls to Chocolatechip when we first got together, They are a couple of low live scum bags. The woman spoke to me. She asked if I still lived at OT I said yes and went about my business. But for some reason running into them put a bad taste in my mouth

I bought a lot of groceries at WM I was able to get all the stuff I wanted to buy. Order came to $92 something. Me and Chocolatechip waited outside for the van. It was kind of cold out there. Then We did not have long to wait. She pulled up and we loaded up or groceries. We got home and I put the groceries away. Then I paid my bills.

Early I found out that you could make arrangements with my credit card company so they can deduct the bill right from your checking account. I did that before going out. When I came home I paid off my credit card bill. Then I paid off Comcast. I had no problems with either one.

I should have been feeling pretty good by noon. I got out of my apartment. I bought some much needed groceries. I paid off my bills. Depression and anxiety hit me bit time in the afternoon. For some reason I was very depressed. I kept wondering if I did the right thing with the credit card company. Also I made those purchases on my card. I was wondering if they would be due this month. If so then I am screwed. I kept thinking about that and I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake.

I got on chat with my credit card company. I told them I made a payment of $341.72 and paid off my bill in full. I asked if they got the payment. They said they did and it will be posted in 24 hours. I also told them that I used the card this morning to buy groceries. I asked if that payment will be due this month They said it will not be due until October and I am good. That eased my mind somewhat but I was still kind of anxious about it. I still worried that they will not get their money in time or something screwed up. I got on chat with them again and they assured me everything was fine.

Despite this I felt very depressed and anxious. I do not know what I was thinking. My mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts It wasn’t just one thing that was bothering me. It was everything I don’t know. All I know was that I felt like shit yesterday afternoon.

Then I was browsing books on my NOOK. I saw about five books I’ve been really waning to buy. I kept reminding myself the difference between wants and needs. I want these books. I do not need these books. But I kept looking at them Then I was telling myself if I am going to buy books at least wait until after the due date. I do not really need to buy them today. I can wait until I see if I am good with the credit card. But stupid me I went ahead and bought them. I put another $50 on my card.

I didn’t fix supper. I had a couple sandwiches and that filled me up,. I watched the news and Jeopar5dy. I stayed up until about 8 then went to sleep,. I slept in today. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was up at 8:30 today

First thing I did was I checked my credit card balance. I am happy to say it went through. I have a zero balance except for the purchases I made yesterday. They will not be due until next month. I am good to go. That is one thing I do not have to worry about .

Still feel kind of down this morning. It will eventually pass. But I really hate feeling like this.