Tuesday Morning Part 2 in New Diary

I am really not doing very well. I feel very down this morning. I don’t know what hit me. I guess I am in a shitty mood. Thinking about going out on the first and I’m already getting anxious about it. I do not want to leave my apartment but I have to go and take care of business. Being hungry does not help much. I don’t have anything to fix for breakfast. I will not be able to eat anything until supper time. Thinking about Chocolatechip’s problem with that other tenant is bothering me. I keep thinking I want to go to his apartment and beat the shit out of him. I’ve been thinking about that a lot and I guess I have been obsessing over it. Also been thinking about my budget f or next month. It is pretty much cut and dried but I worry about paying off that damned credit card. I’ll get it paid off and then I will be broke again. I swear getting that stupid credit card was the biggest mistake I ever made,.

Anyway I these things have been on my mind this morning. I wish to hell I can get them out of my head. Things will be ok. I will be able to get to the bank and Wal Mart on the 1st without incident. I will pay off my bills. I will have groceries for the month. I will even have money left over from my check. I will be ok. There is no need to worry but I worry about this shit anyways. I can’t seem to help myself when I get like this because these thoughts take on a life of their own.

Also been thinking about my worker Kelly. She will not come today because she has a doctor’s appointment. She has been claiming that her car is in the garage. This is why she cannot take me on the third. It has been getting repaired for a long time now. I am beginning to wonder if this is a made up story. She really isn’t supposed to be taking me places. I think she is afraid that her work will find out and she will get fired . If this is the case then that is fine. Why don’t she just tell me that she can’t take me places anymore and be done with that. I can understand that. I am probably jumping to conclusions on this but once I get an idea in my head it is hard to refute.

Wish I could just get all of these thoughts out of my head. I know they are irrational thoughts but I still get them anyways. Sometimes I think I really must be crazy. This is one of those days. Think I am going to go lie down and just say the hell with it .