so, rachel. and apparently i'm abnormal. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

[or, as fb asks. ‘what’s on your mind?’. no what’s really on my mind. and here we go here it is.]

So a couple wks. ago i met Rachel. she’s the new person who does what chris does who did what debbie did who.did what jennifer the yelling lady did. well. so Rachel seems like a nice person but............well during the meeting she said something about day programs. and i’d told her that i’d visited a few a couple yrs. ago but they, weren’t for me, or something. and she’s like ‘well yeah but that was a couple yrs. ago’. And then the lady said something about me doing better one on one. which i mean i do.
So it’s Rachel’s job to inform the people she sees about this kindof thing. but i mean. I took it as and actually still am.a personal like affront, against me. against people who are introverts. yeah i like being by myself. Way i see it. Long as i’m doing something that helps me in some way [which for me it’s blogging. for some people it’s excercising].......long as i’m getting out. I really don’t see what the problem is. cause for/to me personally there’s not a problem. sorry but i just don’t like interacting w/ people. That’s why i like cafes is bc most people there don’t.
ya know. it’s kindof like people think I’m odd bc I spend time alone. well. a lot of the great thnkers spent time alone. like i don’t think people who aren’t introverts are abnormal. or that there’s something ‘wrong’ w/ them. if they like spending time w/ people then ok. some people don’t and that’s ok too. i’m the same w/ gay people. There is nothing wrong w/ being gay. or being straight. or w/e. or being married. or, not being married.
also. i already have a mentor i don’t utilise. So bringing in another mentor type person would just be.redundant. and the rules will still be the same. they’d still be responsible for me so. you can change the scenery but not the fukin situation. and i don’t need more anxiety. it serves a function but godamn it drives me insane. so yes it does serve a purpose.
i’m actually ok w/ my life right now.overall. and i don’t want to change myself just for somebody else. yeah it’s part of her job but I wish it wasn’t. cause now. since I’m so easily influenced i feel like i ‘have’ to. no one should say anything to me ever that’s going to influence me.
but see. if they didn’t. then. that means they’re feeling like they’re being careful. and i personally don’t like that feeling myself so.
No we can’t choose what other do/don’t do/say/don’t say and so on. like we don’t always choose what happens to us but we choose how we deal w/ it. [or don’t deal w/ it in my case.]. The people who say ‘well then don’t.change for them’ i don’t think they understand. and ya know that’s ok. There are plenty of things i don’t understand. and that’s one of them actually i don’t even fully get it myself. it’s hard for me that people don’t but it’s ok.
but evidently. i’m ‘abnormal’ bc i’m a single woman who’s an introvert and doesn’t like interacting w/ people. apparently there’s something wrong w/ that. One of the few things i find abnormal.........that there’s something ‘wrong’ w/.is the way valerie is. oh...........oh i get it. cause i don’t want her to change for her i want her to change for...........oh. and maybe Rachel doesn’t think that way I barely know the woman I only met her the one time. well so far.
yeah sure. Day programs and the like really work well for some people. like there’s a reason huskies don’t live in Mexico ya know? that wouldn’t work for them. and it could really work for me. but if i go and visit one then i’d be more persuaded. and even if I found one i really liked well.the rules would still be the same. like sure yeah on the surface they can say ‘oh it’s this great place and we think you’ll really like it’. yeah but underneath beyond all that.are the rules. like a front door’s still going to be a front door regardless of whether it’s red or green.
it’s weird ya know. In some ways i’m a townie although not........not literally. ya know not changing not really doing anything w/ my life. and anxiety stopping me at every godamn turn. but let me tell ya. We have some of the best damn pie you’ve ever eaten! [well. again not literally. and i have issues w/ pie. but anyway the point being.].
yes but. I have anxiety it doesn’t have me. [well actually it kindof does.......]
yes. I barely know Rachel and she.she barely knows me. so we both got the same thing goin on here.
yeah i have depression. and for some people that’s a problem. In the back of their minds they might be always wondering ‘well is she going to spend all day in her rm. or........?’. well whether i do or not. it’s my depression. it’s not hers. I know it sounds weird to say it like that but that’s my point. it’s not her condition to do anything about. just like w/e psych. issues she may have aren’t mine. and she’s not tellingme what to do. No I know. i’m not saying she is. i’m saying. well wow that’s a little insulting. Whether i do itor not it’s still insulting.
For me. being informed. leads to emotions. i’ve always been led by my emotions. like i’ll react first. In fact I did that recently on twitter regarding politics. yeah i’m not real proud of that one. um. i’m just passionate. and emotional. and joni mitchell and fire. [not literal fire. no but bc joni mitchell’s emotional. and fire is kindof..........well some people are described as ‘fiery’ for a reason.].
it’s not her fault i’m emotional over this.or well in general really. soit’s not really fair to i don’t know er blame her.

‘you can change the scenery but not the fukin situation’

yeah. you’re tellin me. story of my life. SOML.

well guess that’s it. thanks to.........whoever.