Friday Part 2 in New Diary

Well I am back. I have been sitting in front of the computer I am feeling kind of down this morning. I do not know what hit me. I was ok when I got up and then all of a sudden my mood took a downward spiral. I’m trying to figure out what happened. I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. I was doing ok and then all of a sudden I felt like shit.

I think it is the end of the month. I am next to broke and I haven’t been out of my apartment in over a week. I think I am getting claustrophobic or something. I would like to go to Tudors for breakfast but have no money. I don’t have a way down there to begin with. I am really stuck in this apartment and it is really bothering me. Jesus.

Also I got so frigging hungry. I have nothing for breakfast. I decided what the heck I’m going to fix a tv dinner for breakfast. Maybe getting some food in me will put me in a better mood I have twelve left and that should be more than enough to get me thrugh the first. Plus I have ten Homestyle bakes. If I really get desperate I can fix one of those. Jesus I have food It is just a matter of getting up the energy to fix something.

The more I think of it the more I kind of figured out what made me so depressed. I was lonesome. I’ve been up since 4 this morning. I had no one to talk with. I sure could have used the company this morning. Also started to think about how I was disowned from my family. I have some of them on FB but we never talk. Started to think that I am all alone in the world and have zero friends and how everyone hates me. This is negative thinking and when I go negative I always get depressed.

I am trying to refute the negative thoughts. In the first place I do have friends. Chocolatechip is my friend,. Kelly my worker is my friend. I have the support of my therapist at Healthways. I am not alone,. Also I dc not know for a fact that everyone hates me. I do not go out of my apartment or try to associate with people. I don’t give anyone a chance to get to know me so how can I tell how other people in the building really feel about me? I cant I get that idea in my stupid head and it takes on a life of its own.

God I am so frigging hungry. I put that tv dinner in the oven at 8L:17am. It will be done in 45 minutes. The time seems to be dragging by. I am sitting here watching the damned clock and my belly is growling. God I am hungry I will feel better after I get something to eat.