One thing after another. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I get my work schedule FINALLY yesterday and I’m scheduled 2 days. Seriously. So I text and ask about it and was told it was just sent to get everyone off his back because they all get sent at the same time but was told I’d get my actual schedule. Well I have my daycare lady bugging wanting my schedule and blah blah blah…well I finally text him again today and he fixed it so I’ll get my hours but I’m just concerned this is going to be a weekly battle so I’ve put in a bunch of online applications.

I just feel like i have enough to worry about that getting enough hours at my job shouldn’t be an extra problem!!! One of my co-workers has told me for months that this is what’s happened to her and it still hasn’t changed so I’m really concerned about how this is gonna go. I more than likely won’t get TANF because they say I’m over income and I know BD is never going to pay any kind of CS. He told my friend that it’s stupid I pay for daycare when I could just have them take care of her but again, I trust him as much as I would trust a rice cake to take care of her.

He just doesn’t get that after almost a year of his mental and emotional abuse, I’m terrified of leaving my daughter with him. He hasn’t seen her since she was born for a reason!! He’s made me very worried what he could do to her considering she’s half of me and I’m really worried about him hurting her considering he’s been arrested for domestic abuse, he’s got anger issues, and is an alcoholic. Again, if his family would have made any real effort to get to know me while I was pregnant I would probably trust them to look after her but even then, I would have to worry about him being around her or him trying to take her.

This is such a bullshit situation but I’m just trying to do the best I can. My Mother came Saturday for about 10 minutes before she left mad. I brought up what happened on Thursday when my Dad watched her and asked why he didn’t notify me right away that there was a problem and she said it’s because he didn’t want to bother me while I was at work. Um, this is about my daughter and she’s ALWAYS going to be more important than my fucking job! He basically decided for me that my job was top priority over my kid and that’s what pisses me off.

I then ask her about getting paid back because I gave them about $300 while I was on maternity leave for groceries, gas, etc etc and was told I’d get some money back when she got paid on Friday and that’s of course didn’t happen. They yet again took advantage of me and I’m super fucking pissed about it!! They know my daughter’s Dad hasn’t helped and probably never will and they still used me for what they could get!! Once I brought up the money, she put her shoes on and left. Again, they are never wrong and can’t handle it when confronted. All I know is I WILL NEVER AGAIN ask them for shit because it’s just too fucking expensive!

I just feel like I have a bunch of fucking assholes around me and I’m honestly considering moving out of this miserable town. I’m going to be a single Mom no matter where I live so why stay? I knew it was going to be like this so I’m not super let down but I don’t want to feel like I’m just hanging around wishing, waiting, and hoping that everyone is going to start making effort for my child. I think no one looks at it like it’s my daughter that’s suffering because of their selfishness and immaturity. I just can’t get through to anyone and I’m done trying. I’m not going to beg anyone to be in her life. I shouldn’t have to.

Anyways, today is my last day off before I go back to work tomorrow. I’m going to try and nap while baby is sleeping.