Tuesday Morning. in New Diary

I had a few moments of depression yesterday. I don’t think I was depressed just sad. I was missing Chocolatechip. I didn’t see her yesterday. There is a big difference between depression and just being sad. Sadness is a normal human emotion. People get sad over lots of things. I was sad yesterday a few times because I missed my ex fiancé. Sadness passes like it dui yesterday.

Depression on the other hand is chronic. It is always with you. On some days depression can be mild then it rears its ugly head and it can turn into a monster. Bouts of depression can last for days weeks at a time. Left untreated it can lead to suicide. Depression is an illness with no real cure. It can be treated with meds but it is always with you and will flair up without notice.

Anyways other than being sad a few times yesterday was pretty good. My worker came. She was a bit sad herself yesterday. She was saying her bff moved to Louisiana Her son went back to college. She was asking me a couple of questions. One of them involved her son. She was saying that her son was driving and two different times a fox crossed the road in front of him.
She asked me what that meant was it a sign of bad luck? I said it doesn’t mean anything. They went to see movie over the weekend She sounded like she enjoyed the show. It was about a cursed doll named Annabel I had a nice time talking with her and she did good job in cleaning my apartment.

I forgot to mention that I had some weird dreams last night. I remember this one dream I had. My estranged daughter was in it as well as my parents. She had my checkbook. I was trying to balance my checking account. I had to pay a bill and I was $5 short. I went over my checking account to see if I had enough money to cover the check. I didn’t have enough. I asked my dad if he could loan me $5 and he said he couldn’t help. I was mad at my daughter because she got into my checking account. I do not think I ever got that bill paid because I didn’t have the money. Dreams are weird

I bought another book yesterday. I was browsing my wish list on my Nook when my worker was here. I bought this one book about D Day by Stephen Ambrose. He was one of my favorite authors. Hel they are all my favorite, That makes six books this month. Jesus. My worker is right. This is an addiction. Oh well it is a good addiction. I always make sure I have money for rent and my Comcast bill is always paid. I always have money for food and meds. It is that most whatever mon ey I have left goes to books. I need books like I need another A hole but I still buy more. Oh well it is a good addiction. I am not out there blowing my money on gambling, alcohol or drugs.

I did a lot of reading. I am reading this one book The Road to Disunion: Confederates at Bay 1776-1854 by William H Freehling. This is the best book. I am really getting into it. I read all afternoon. I stopped to fix supper I had a tv dinner. Then I watched the news and a little bit of Jeopardy. Yesterday was the first time I watched the news since Friday. I could hardly turn on the tv because I didn’t want to hear about those assholes in Virginia. Terrible. After the news I watched Jeopardy then went to bed early

Also I got my meds. I got my anxiety med yesterday. It came just in time. I have to leave my apartment today. I have another doctor’s appointment. I see my family doctor. I was thinking about getting out and already the anxiety was acting up;. I almost called to cancel the appointment but I need refills on seizure meds I didn’t let it get out of hand. I concentrated on my book and tried not to think about it. After all there is nothing really to worry about. All I have to do is go to the doctor’s office I can do this without any problem.

Well life is good. It is good to be alive. I