Friday Morning in New Diary

I am feeling better. I woke up this morning at 3 Went to bed early and slept good. I feel refreshed. I am not thinking or dwelling on crap. I had a lot of therapy in rational behavioral therapy. I learned how our thoughts alone effect our feelings and behavior. It is not anyone else that causes anything. We cannot control that but we can control how we react to outside events. Negative irrational thinking leads to depression and it is best to replace irrational 6thoughts with rational thoughts.

I was having a lot of irrational thoughts yesterday. That was what got me so damned depressed. I fe;lt overloaded with bad thoughts. Once I get an idea or thought in my head it stays there and festers. I dwell on it and it makes things worse. The harder I try to replace the thoughts the stronger they seem to get. I learned when I get like that to experience them and ride it through. It is sort of like riding through a bad storm. The storm always passes in time.

I didn’t do too much yesterday. Kelly my worker came yesterday. She was talking about one of her clients who died. The family is committing welfare fraud. She wanted to turn them in. She was saying how much money they had and the one girl who is getting a ton of food stamps is living with her parents. They are going to buy her car and a house while she is getting hundreds of dollars in EBT and Medicaid.

She asked me if I would turn them in I am a firm believer in minding my own business. I told her that. But she said that is not right in what they were doing. I thought about it for a while and thought how I’m only getting $16 in food stamps. The more I thought about it the more I felt that the thing wasn’t right. She was telling me how the person getting all these benefits stole from her one time. Then I said turn her ass in.

Kelly is very kind to me. She took me to Tudors yesterday. She bought me two Ron Biscuits. When we were eating she was telling me ab out how her boss called. She said they had another client for her, It would have involved working from 10=3. She said what about me. She told them she could not take the client. I hope she doesn’t leave me. I have had her for a long time now and she does a lot of extra things for me.

Well her visit was the high point of my day. After that things went down hill real fast. Today is a new day and I have a new attitude After all always remember the positives.

1 I have a nice apartment. 2 I have money for meds. 3 I have food to eat. 4 I have clothes to wear. 5 I am in fairly good health. 6 I have a worker that comes in and cleans my apartment. 7 I have the support system at Healthways 8 I have plenty of books to read. 9 I have phone Internet and cable tv. 10 I have an SSI and Social Security check.

Life is good. Life is very good