Just another day. in Since OD is shutting down....

So it’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve had baby. She’s been more awake the past few days and eating more probably due to a growth spurt. Everyone says she’s definitely gained weight and today her belly button fell off. She’s doing very well and it’s awesome. She wakes up about every 3-4 hours during the night and I’m able to get a little nap everyday. Being a Mom isn’t as tough as I expected. I absolutely love being a Mom to my little girl and am very excited to watch her grow and become her own little person.

My parents came for a little bit yesterday. My Dad and little brother stayed with her so my Mom and I could go see my Grampa for a few minutes and I had to get one of my prescriptions. We were only gone for about an hour but to me it felt like several because I just wanted to get back home to my baby.

I’m definitely getting frustrated with my family because I can’t help but feel that they have ulterior motives for coming around. The other day I ended up paying for them to get a new stove because they were trying to order it and make sure I hear them say they didn’t have any money in their account. I drove my Mom’s truck yesterday and the gas light came on so I put some gas in. I just wish they understood that I just had a baby and I’m not working so the money I’m spending isn’t getting replaced. I get that they are broke but it’s not my fucking problem. Even if my Mom was working, it would still be like this.

I got pissed yesterday that my Dad and little brother were smoking my cigarettes because then I have to run out and get more. I’m still not terribly comfortable taking her out by myself but I’m gonna have to start getting used to it because asking my family to help out is becoming just too fucking expensive. They are going to watch her tomorrow because I have to file for child support and hopefully I won’t have to give them much for them to watch her for an hour. I’m glad that they help but I can’t afford to keep giving out money because I only have so much until I go back to work and I don’t want to be completely broke by the time I return to my job.

So my friend was talking to him over Facebook yesterday and he just kept saying how no matter what I wasn’t going to let him see her even if he signed her papers and sent a voice clip stating how he was ‘afraid’ for his baby’s life. Um, what in the actual fuck does that mean? Is he implying that I’m not caring for her properly?! It made me super mad and I seriously stewed about it until I went to bed. Again, this is why I refuse to deal with him anymore. He’s one of those people where if he’s not getting his way, he’s going to talk shit and stir the fucking pot!

I just can’t believe I’ve had a child with someone who’s put me through so much and just won’t fucking quit. I just wish that he would worry about getting himself stable and leaving me and my friends alone. All I care about is raising my daughter and being the best Mom to her possible. I don’t care about him or what he has to say so I’m hoping at this point my friends leave him blocked and maybe if he’s not getting any attention, he’ll just worry about getting himself straight.

I’ve been off work for 3 weeks now and I realize that I need to find a hobby and start getting into a routine with baby because I’m losing my mind. I know that my family comes over but I’m definitely starting to get lonely. I love hanging out with my baby everyday but I need more social interaction than what I get. My Mom spent the night on Saturday but claimed to have stomach ache so she didn’t interact with the baby whatsoever, slept 12 hours and then ate a shit ton of my food before she finally went home.

It’s just really frustrating with my Mom because getting her to do anything is like pulling teeth. She’s just very lazy and detached. I’m glad she comes around because I just wish she made more effort when she does. Anyways. I need to charge my laptop. More later.