Monday Morning in New Diary

I survived Sunday. I didn’t go out of my apartment. I didn’t watch tv. I didn’t talk to a single soul; yesterday. I read all day. I got through two long chapters of mt book. Very good book. I did a lot of browsing yesterday. I visited the Barnes and Noble site. I ended up buying tow more books. They were cheap. One was $1.99 and I got two in a set for $8.99 I fixed myself a tv dinner around 4 That was all I had to eat.

I got kind of down towards the end of the day. I got to thinking before falling a sleep. I was thinking that I am still very depressed. I am not taking care of myself. I am isolating. I am running away from problems instead of facing them. This is not good. The more you ignore problems the worse they get I said to myself,.

Then I was thinking to myself about how I have dealt with depression all my life. I felt like I think I first started seeing a therapist when I was fifteen or sixteen. I was saying to myself I am tired of it all. I am tired of dealing with mental illness. I had these problems all my life and nothing is going to change All I want is peace in my old age. Reading and books are the only thing that bring me peace.

Anyways I was up thinking about these things but I did fall a sleep I had some weird dreams. I was dreaming we were going to have another inspection. Only this time I was living in my old house. Me and a group of guys from work were getting ready for inspection. I was sweeping the garage out. It was filthy and oil was all over the place,. Then we had to take this huge contraption out to the driveway Finally we got the garage cleaned. We parked my car and my dads car into the garage.

I don’t know if this was part of the same dream or a separate dream. I was dreaming about this house in Follansbee where my parents lived. After they died somebody turned it into apartments. This one girl I who lived at OT one time was renting an apartment. She was living for a while in my parents old house. One of the guys I worked with asked me if we ever had sex. I said no we didn’t we were just friends. That was all I can remember from this dream.

Other than those two dreams I had a good nights rest. I feel pretty good this morning. Oh well life is good