Knowledge Gap in 2017

I feel like there are a lot of things someone should know.
For after their baby dies.
Only, you cant know beforehand. Because that is scary stuff, and nobody wants to think about worst case scenarios when the majority of pregnancies go off without a hitch.

Sometimes it all feels so silly.
I mean, I worked in womens health for 5 years.
Birth was (and is) my thing.
I should have known something was up…
…but I know I couldnt have.

Cord accident.
Accident.
That word is a struggle for me.

Because what if I could have done something different that would have resulted in Ivy being alive.
Could the stress I was in during her pregnancy (and especially the week before) have killed her?
If I would have gone in to the midwife when I was in that car accident....

These are questions that I know deep down make no difference.
They cannot be answered, and even if they could....
none of it brings her back to me.

~ ~ ~

But.....sidetrack aside, parents need to know things about their pregnancies and babies. I was lucky to be brought to a hospital that had great policies in place. Because of their preparedness, my grief was helped. The cuddle cot let Ivy stay with us.

You have control over your birth choices, even if the baby has died. You can birth at home or in the hospital. You can spend time with your baby after you deliver them. In the midst of the trauma that is losing your child, you dont think of these things…but you can bathe your baby. Rock them and sing to them. Dress them. Love on them. If the baby is smaller gestation and fragile, they can be wrapped in a blanket to allow better snuggles.

I’m so grateful to have been in a hospital that knew how to care for myself and my baby. And my heart is so sad for those women who do not get that knowledge and tender care.

But.....how do you educate women on what to do in a worst-case scenario, without providing unneeded anxieties? I’m not sure you can. But there isnt a unified standard of care on baby loss. And often hospitals gloss over the emotions involved in an earlier loss.

How do we bridge this knowledge gap?